Emmy-nominated actress Olivia Wilde is not just a red carpet fashion force, highly sought after by designers such as Calvin Klein, Marchesa and Alexander McQueen and a face of Revlon cosmetics. She's also an activist and has collaborated with Alternative Apparel on a Message Bag that raises money for the Academy of Peace and Justice in Haiti.
Now we find out she's pretty darn good at stand-up. She tried out her act at Les Girls -- Glamour’s night of monologues -- talking about her love life in hilarious detail and offering her idea of how to sustain a relationship.
After her marriage ended, she told the audience, “I felt like my vagina died. Turned off. Lights Out," adding "You can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina.”
After a post-divorce free-love-for-all, she is now "blissfully, hopefully, wildly" in love with SNL star Jason Sudeikis, admitting, “We have sex like Kenyan marathon runners.”
But she's also aware that relationships that hot are hard to sustain. So she's come up with a plan that she calls "Olivia Land."
"In Olivia Land, relationships can legally only last seven years, without an option to renew. That way it never goes stale. Can you imagine, if we only had seven years? We’d be so nice to each other, so kind and appreciative and enthusiastic, like we were eating a really expensive bowl of pasta! And in Olivia Land people wouldn’t cheat nearly as much because there wouldn’t be the threat of spending forever with one bedfellow. It just wouldn’t be legal. There’s the issue of kids. OK, this is fun. In Olivia Land, all the kids go to boarding school at seven. It’s like in Harry Potter!
"I would like to legalize prostitution. Hiring a sex worker in Olivia Land would be as easy, hygienic and inexpensive as getting a pedicure. That way when away on business or just not in the mood, we could just hire a hooker for our loved one and keep them uninterested in cheating and keep them satisfied. These particular hookers would obviously have to be mute and possibly cross-eyed."
Afterwards she was asked by Vulture how women can know if they have the right guy.
“Listen to your vagina," Wilde advised. "Sometimes your vagina dies," she says. “Then you know it’s time to go. There’s no reason to sacrifice your womanhood and femininity for some sort of weird feeling of responsibility to something that may not be right. I feel like far too many women do that."