Halloween Gone Wrong: The 10 Least Scary Movies of All Time
11:02 AM PDT 10/28/2011 by Rebecca Ford, Sofia M. Fernandez, Sophie Schillaci, Emily Blank
Most scary movies do their jobs -- they keep audiences up at night, tossing and turning or quietly crying their fears into their pillows. However, sometimes scary movies are so ridiculous or have such cheesy dialogue they don't produce screams, just laughs. These 10 horror films are some of the least scary scary movies to ever hit the big screen.
M. Night Shyamalan's 2008 film stars Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel as a couple going through marital strife while the planet's foliage decides to start turning people insane and suicidal. THR critic Kirk Honeycutt wrote that the movie "seems more like a '50s science fiction film of extreme paranoia or an episode of The Twilight Zone than a truly scary movie."
Based on a Stephen King novel, the premise of this 1996 film sounds like a Hollywood starlet's fantasy: gypsy curses man (or woman) to become thinner and thinner. Death beckons once the protagonist reaches a certain point but even though actor Robert Burke looks pretty slight, Christian Bale was skinner, and scarier, in The Machinist.
Loosely based on a video game of the same name, 2005's Alone in the Dark starred Christian Slater as supernatural detective and Tara Reid as the scientist assisting him. It turned out to be the perfect storm of bad movie making (courtesy of director Uwe Boll), terrible acting, obvious plotholes and poor visual effects all in one horrifying horror film.
A remake of the Japanese horror film, Kairo, 2006's Pulse was written by Wes Craven and Ray Wright, and starred Kristen Bell, Ian Somerhalder and Christina Milian. But the film was widely panned, and viewed as just another failed attempt at remaking a really good Japanese flick. As THR's review put it, "This techno-themed horror film isn't nearly as scary as watching your computer crash."
The successful Scream duo of director Wes Craven and screenwriter Kevin Williamson reteamed not as sucessfully for Cursed, which starred Christina Ricci and Jesse Eisenberg as brother and sister who are attacked by a werewolf and then start to exhibit werewolf tendencies. The film, which was delayed for a year, was criticised for wasting some serious talent with cheesy dialogue and lame special effects.
Lindsay Lohan stars in Chris Sivertson's mystery thriller as a young girl who goes missing, only to reappear with an entirely different identity and claims that her look-a-like is still under the thumb of a maniacal serial-killer. "There's a fresh candidate in the running for worst movie of 2007 honors," wrote THR film critic Michael Rechtshaffen.
A holiday horror movie? What could possibly go wrong? This slasher film not only angered groups who thought it was deplorable to make a murderer out of Santa, but was eventually pulled from theaters once advertisers started pulling their ads. It turns out that there's no amount of movie magic that can make the holidays lose enough of their cheesy warm-and-fuzzy factor to be scary.
Before Jennifer Aniston was one of Hollywood's highest paid actresses, she was making her big screen debut in Mark Jones' laughable horror flick. Warwick Davis, who went on to star in the Harry Potter films, plays a devious leprechaun who embarks on a murder spree in an effort to take back his pot of gold. His kryptonite? A four leaf clover.
After an eight year lapse, Chucky returned to the big screen with Jennifer Tilly's Tiffany reincarnated in doll form. The devious duo hitch a ride to New Jersey to retrieve an amulet which should return them to their human forms, though an eloping couple throws a wrench in their plans. Murders and a doll baby ensue. Marital strife did not do wonders for the homicidal doll.
While Steven Spielberg's 1975 shark film earned a place in Hollywood history, the sequels that followed didn't fare quite so well. The 1978 follow-up, Jaws 2, earned a 56% on Rotten Tomatoes (its predecessor scored 100%). Jaws 3 and Jaws: The Revenge were dead in the water with progressively more dismal scores (13% and 0% respectively).