Rian Johnson Introduces "Ultimate Jedi" in Darkly Funny Song

Bones bones bones bones bones.
Lucasfilm
The final scene from 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens.'

Well, that Last Jedi thing really didn't turn out like anyone expected.

Rian Johnson, director of the next Star Wars movie, shared a new track by John Darnielle of the band The Mountain Goats on Twitter Monday morning, writing that the song — titled "The Ultimate Jedi Who Wastes All the Other Jedi and Eats Their Bones" — started as a joke, but "now it's canon." And, you know, as the man now in charge of the Skywalker Saga, he's probably allowed to make that decision. Maybe. Probably.

Darnielle's song offers advice to a new Jedi, which starts well — "Do your best in city or in swampland/Peace over anger, honor over hate" — before taking a surprising turn midway through: "At the end of all your days, one Jedi waits for you/With the dust of Jedi bones piled high like parsnips on his plate," he sings. "The long feast will be filmed for mass consumption/The cameras Rian's got these days are unimaginably high-res."

He continues, "All the Jedis from all the planets/In this putrid universe/Get eaten by this last one and now it's your turn." This is what we get for repeatedly asking what Star Wars: The Last Jedi meant: a surprisingly catchy song that spoils that Luke Skywalker has been hiding away on an island because he's been eating the competition. Really, it's all we deserve.

Listen to the song below.

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