Hollywood resolutions
Hollywood resolutions
Dec 27, 2005
New Year's eve gets all the fun: champagne, "Auld Lang Syne," counting down to midnight and sloppy kisses from drunken strangers (if one is into that kind of thing). New Year's Day, on the other hand, gets all the bummers: Pepto-Bismol, cleaning up after parties, taking down decorations and waking up next to hung-over strangers (again, if one is into that kind of thing).
Perhaps the biggest, most popular bummer is making out a list of New Year's resolutions. It's a chance to revisit our mistakes and personal failings of the past year and pretend we can do something about them -- all the while knowing, deep down, that we'll revert to our sad, old ways by Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
Nonetheless, each year, we eagerly reembrace the illusion that change and growth are possible -- and this time around, The Hollywood Reporter has taken the liberty of crafting New Year's resolutions for the entertainment community. In many ways, they're not that different from the resolutions being made (and soon to be broken) by millions of Americans.
1. I will lose weight
At last, it has arrived: the moment for which Weight Watchers and Bally have been waiting. During the next few weeks, couch potatoes across this great land will put down their remote controls and cool-ranch Doritos and begin their annual migration to the nearest weight-loss gurus and fitness clubs.
Movie studios might wish to do the same in 2006: The industry could use a trip to the gym and a counseling session at Jenny Craig. As has been pointed out ad nauseam in every newspaper and magazine from the Daily Planet to Boys' Life, boxoffice receipts plummeted in 2005 -- and, not surprisingly, production costs refused to plummet with them. The result: Hollywood's profits shrunk to a slinky size 4, while budgets remained a more full-figured size 14 -- and studio honchos and producers need well-padded backends to cover their rear ends.
It's time to look at production costs and cut out the fat.
2. I will watch less TV
With both multiplex ticket prices and the quality of television drama on the rise during the past few years, is it any surprise that audiences might need something special -- like, say, a movie -- to justify the time and expense of a trip to the movie theater? What the average moviegoer often is met with, though, is a larger, louder version of something he or she already has seen at home -- for free, without teenagers yakking or cell phones ringing or taking out a line of credit on the house to buy popcorn and a soda.
Predictably, the free-and-easy option of staying home won hands-down in 2005: Universal's "Serenity" fizzled at the boxoffice, few viewers were bewitched by Sony's "Bewitched," and Paramount's pun-defying "Aeon Flux" just plain tanked. The one TV-to-film upgrade with gas in the tank was Warner Bros. Pictures' "The Dukes of Hazzard," which attracted young-male viewers by allowing them to see something they could not see in the original series: Jessica Simpson wedged into a pair of Daisy Dukes.
3. I will make new friends
Imagine you've got this friend; let's call him ... oh, Joey. You've known Joey for years. He's a great guy and all, but he was part of the old gang -- and the old gang is gone. Everyone has moved on and grown up, except him. Frankly, he's starting to seem a little desperate, a little sad, like someone who laughs at his or her own jokes. You'd like to think you'd be there for him when the rain starts to pour, like you've been there before, but ... well, you're not even sure you want to spend time with the guy anymore.
Now, imagine you've got this other friend, a work buddy. Let's say his name is Earl. You haven't known Earl long, but you already really like him. He's everything Joey isn't: surprising, adventurous, a breath of fresh air. Earl is so funny that he makes you want to stick around the office, blow off appointments and just hang. It makes you realize the importance of trying new things, meeting new people -- and having the strength to end a friendship when it simply isn't working anymore.
Now, imagine you're a network executive with the power to cancel a series ...
4. I will spend more time with the family
Here's the quickest pitch one will ever hear: "Penguins, penguins, penguins!" Not ready to greenlight it yet? Well, here's a little more detail: "Penguins, penguins, penguins -- in a documentary!"
Still not that convincing, is it? Traditionally speaking, documentaries draw limited audiences -- as do films about waterfowl in general. Somehow, though, Warner Independent Pictures' "March of the Penguins" overcame those marketing challenges to become one of 2005's biggest surprise hits.
The marching penguins, penguins, penguins were not the only creatures with big-screen legs: Family-friendly films such as Buena Vista's "Chicken Little" and "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe," DreamWorks' "Madagascar" and Warners' "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" showed stamina, and DreamWorks' "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" appears on as many critics' year-end top 10 lists as far-weightier titles including Universal's "Munich" and Focus Features' "Brokeback Mountain."
Obviously, family entertainment is not only child's play: When done right, movies for little ones can be big business. Here's our pitch for a documentary that could capitalize on the public's newfound interest in cute marching animals: "Lemmings, lemmings, lemmings!"
Anyone ready to get behind us on this one?
5. I will eat more bran
Let us consider the colon, which can accomplish monumental things when used wisely and well. Examples of what it can produce are easy to find -- just look at the primetime schedules of NBC and CBS.
On NBC, perhaps the most colo-centric of broadcast networks, colons have played an important role for years. A colon received its first major exposure on the network in 1993, with the launch of "Homicide: Life on the Street," but not until six years later did it truly prove its power, transforming "Law & Order" from a hit into an empire with the premiere of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit." Later came "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" and, briefly, "Law & Order: Trial by Jury," making the colon -- followed closely by the ampersand -- the most important punctuation mark in the NBC lineup. Not since the heyday of the "Star Trek" franchise (1979's "Star Trek: The Motion Picture," 1982's "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan," the 1987-94 TV series "Star Trek: The Next Generation," etc.) have colons been put to such good use.
CBS has enjoyed similar success by combining the colon with another grammar tool: the acronym (or, to be more grammatically precise, initialism). With the help of the colon, "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" spawned "CSI: Miami" and "CSI: NY" -- and huge Nielsen ratings. Other networks desperate for programming with proven appeal might wish to follow suit come pilot season: Take an existing hit, and see what a colon can do to it.
6. I will help make the world a better place
If the U.S. presidency is, as Theodore Roosevelt declared, a "bully pulpit," then working in entertainment offers an even bullier one. In 2005, one idealistic star stepped onto the pulpit -- twice -- to use the power of film to present searing, insightful commentary on the times in which we live. We speak, of course, of Rob Schneider, who offered blistering social commentary through his title role in Sony's summer comedy "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" and his heartbreaking turn as Punky in Paramount's football remake "The Longest Yard." (Coincidentally, another activist/actor -- George Clooney -- let his conscience be his guide this year, shepherding two politically charged, highly praised dramas to the big screen: Warner Independent's "Good Night, and Good Luck" and Warners' "Syriana.")
Schneider's and Clooney's films were not alone: Several other 2005 movies combined strong stories with strong convictions -- including "Mountain," Lionsgate's "Crash" and Focus' "The Constant Gardener" -- while documentaries such as Lionsgate's "Grizzly Man" and ThinkFilm's "Murderball" explored the best and worst in us all by shining a spotlight on extraordinary real-life people. What's more, most of these projects turned a profit.
Among boxoffice disappointments, sadly, was "Bigalow," which apparently proved too politically divisive and downbeat to find a broad audience. But don't let that scare you, Hollywood: Now is the time to commit yourself to supporting projects that illuminate, elevate and celebrate the human spirit.You'll be glad you did -- at least until Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
Perhaps the biggest, most popular bummer is making out a list of New Year's resolutions. It's a chance to revisit our mistakes and personal failings of the past year and pretend we can do something about them -- all the while knowing, deep down, that we'll revert to our sad, old ways by Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
Nonetheless, each year, we eagerly reembrace the illusion that change and growth are possible -- and this time around, The Hollywood Reporter has taken the liberty of crafting New Year's resolutions for the entertainment community. In many ways, they're not that different from the resolutions being made (and soon to be broken) by millions of Americans.
1. I will lose weight
At last, it has arrived: the moment for which Weight Watchers and Bally have been waiting. During the next few weeks, couch potatoes across this great land will put down their remote controls and cool-ranch Doritos and begin their annual migration to the nearest weight-loss gurus and fitness clubs.
Movie studios might wish to do the same in 2006: The industry could use a trip to the gym and a counseling session at Jenny Craig. As has been pointed out ad nauseam in every newspaper and magazine from the Daily Planet to Boys' Life, boxoffice receipts plummeted in 2005 -- and, not surprisingly, production costs refused to plummet with them. The result: Hollywood's profits shrunk to a slinky size 4, while budgets remained a more full-figured size 14 -- and studio honchos and producers need well-padded backends to cover their rear ends.
It's time to look at production costs and cut out the fat.
2. I will watch less TV
With both multiplex ticket prices and the quality of television drama on the rise during the past few years, is it any surprise that audiences might need something special -- like, say, a movie -- to justify the time and expense of a trip to the movie theater? What the average moviegoer often is met with, though, is a larger, louder version of something he or she already has seen at home -- for free, without teenagers yakking or cell phones ringing or taking out a line of credit on the house to buy popcorn and a soda.
Predictably, the free-and-easy option of staying home won hands-down in 2005: Universal's "Serenity" fizzled at the boxoffice, few viewers were bewitched by Sony's "Bewitched," and Paramount's pun-defying "Aeon Flux" just plain tanked. The one TV-to-film upgrade with gas in the tank was Warner Bros. Pictures' "The Dukes of Hazzard," which attracted young-male viewers by allowing them to see something they could not see in the original series: Jessica Simpson wedged into a pair of Daisy Dukes.
3. I will make new friends
Imagine you've got this friend; let's call him ... oh, Joey. You've known Joey for years. He's a great guy and all, but he was part of the old gang -- and the old gang is gone. Everyone has moved on and grown up, except him. Frankly, he's starting to seem a little desperate, a little sad, like someone who laughs at his or her own jokes. You'd like to think you'd be there for him when the rain starts to pour, like you've been there before, but ... well, you're not even sure you want to spend time with the guy anymore.
Now, imagine you've got this other friend, a work buddy. Let's say his name is Earl. You haven't known Earl long, but you already really like him. He's everything Joey isn't: surprising, adventurous, a breath of fresh air. Earl is so funny that he makes you want to stick around the office, blow off appointments and just hang. It makes you realize the importance of trying new things, meeting new people -- and having the strength to end a friendship when it simply isn't working anymore.
Now, imagine you're a network executive with the power to cancel a series ...
4. I will spend more time with the family
Here's the quickest pitch one will ever hear: "Penguins, penguins, penguins!" Not ready to greenlight it yet? Well, here's a little more detail: "Penguins, penguins, penguins -- in a documentary!"
Still not that convincing, is it? Traditionally speaking, documentaries draw limited audiences -- as do films about waterfowl in general. Somehow, though, Warner Independent Pictures' "March of the Penguins" overcame those marketing challenges to become one of 2005's biggest surprise hits.
The marching penguins, penguins, penguins were not the only creatures with big-screen legs: Family-friendly films such as Buena Vista's "Chicken Little" and "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe," DreamWorks' "Madagascar" and Warners' "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" showed stamina, and DreamWorks' "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" appears on as many critics' year-end top 10 lists as far-weightier titles including Universal's "Munich" and Focus Features' "Brokeback Mountain."
Obviously, family entertainment is not only child's play: When done right, movies for little ones can be big business. Here's our pitch for a documentary that could capitalize on the public's newfound interest in cute marching animals: "Lemmings, lemmings, lemmings!"
Anyone ready to get behind us on this one?
5. I will eat more bran
Let us consider the colon, which can accomplish monumental things when used wisely and well. Examples of what it can produce are easy to find -- just look at the primetime schedules of NBC and CBS.
On NBC, perhaps the most colo-centric of broadcast networks, colons have played an important role for years. A colon received its first major exposure on the network in 1993, with the launch of "Homicide: Life on the Street," but not until six years later did it truly prove its power, transforming "Law & Order" from a hit into an empire with the premiere of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit." Later came "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" and, briefly, "Law & Order: Trial by Jury," making the colon -- followed closely by the ampersand -- the most important punctuation mark in the NBC lineup. Not since the heyday of the "Star Trek" franchise (1979's "Star Trek: The Motion Picture," 1982's "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan," the 1987-94 TV series "Star Trek: The Next Generation," etc.) have colons been put to such good use.
CBS has enjoyed similar success by combining the colon with another grammar tool: the acronym (or, to be more grammatically precise, initialism). With the help of the colon, "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" spawned "CSI: Miami" and "CSI: NY" -- and huge Nielsen ratings. Other networks desperate for programming with proven appeal might wish to follow suit come pilot season: Take an existing hit, and see what a colon can do to it.
6. I will help make the world a better place
If the U.S. presidency is, as Theodore Roosevelt declared, a "bully pulpit," then working in entertainment offers an even bullier one. In 2005, one idealistic star stepped onto the pulpit -- twice -- to use the power of film to present searing, insightful commentary on the times in which we live. We speak, of course, of Rob Schneider, who offered blistering social commentary through his title role in Sony's summer comedy "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" and his heartbreaking turn as Punky in Paramount's football remake "The Longest Yard." (Coincidentally, another activist/actor -- George Clooney -- let his conscience be his guide this year, shepherding two politically charged, highly praised dramas to the big screen: Warner Independent's "Good Night, and Good Luck" and Warners' "Syriana.")
Schneider's and Clooney's films were not alone: Several other 2005 movies combined strong stories with strong convictions -- including "Mountain," Lionsgate's "Crash" and Focus' "The Constant Gardener" -- while documentaries such as Lionsgate's "Grizzly Man" and ThinkFilm's "Murderball" explored the best and worst in us all by shining a spotlight on extraordinary real-life people. What's more, most of these projects turned a profit.
Among boxoffice disappointments, sadly, was "Bigalow," which apparently proved too politically divisive and downbeat to find a broad audience. But don't let that scare you, Hollywood: Now is the time to commit yourself to supporting projects that illuminate, elevate and celebrate the human spirit.You'll be glad you did -- at least until Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
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