'Car Matchmaker' host (and ex-'Seinfeld' producer) Spike Feresten notes which car telegraphs "who you are, what you do and how well you do it" from the social-media starlets (the 2017 Range Rover) to the studio executive (an ultra-luxury Ferrari).
THE CAR An ultra-luxury four-seater, such as a 2017 Ferrari GTC4Lusso T (from $260,000), comes with all-wheel drive, room for four adults and their luggage and is the perfect daily driver to the office.
MEANING IN HOLLYWOOD I made it but am not showing it off. Says Feresten: "A lot of people in this town don't want their bosses to know they have that much money. Most of the time you wouldn't want to drive a Ferrari to work."
OTHER CARS TO CONSIDER Maserati Quattroporte GTS Gransport (from $145,500); Aston Martin Rapide S (from $206,000)
THE CAR The 2017 Bentley Mulsanne Extended Wheelbase (from $400,000) is the opposite of the humble-brag for those who have latched onto a superhero universe or two and for whom a private plane is a 747. The EXB is nearly 10 inches longer than a standard Mulsanne, with only 25 in total to be sold in the U.S.
MEANING IN HOLLYWOOD I have f— you money, and you really mean it.
OTHER CARS TO CONSIDER Rolls-Royce Phantom Extended Wheelbase (from $420,000)
THE CAR The 2017 Audi A4 Allroad (from $47,000) has been updated with more space, power and tech like a virtual cockpit. Go with the Prestige model — because you're worth it.
MEANING IN HOLLYWOOD My self-loathing is becoming less of a thing, a message to your friends, agent and therapist. But, laughs Feresten, a former screenwriter: "If you're a writer, drive what you like. I don't think anyone cares what the writer drives."
OTHER CARS TO CONSIDER Subaru Outback Wagon (from $25,645); 2017 Volvo V60 Cross Country (from $41,700)
THE CAR Tesla Model S P100D (from $134,000) with a newly refreshed design, has a 315-mile range and a zero-to-60 time of 2.5 seconds for outracing overzealous fans.
MEANING IN HOLLYWOOD I enjoy the finer things in life — like my private jet and super yacht — but when I'm in town, I only drive electric. Perhaps hypocrisy isn't such a bad thing: "Get the Tesla, Volt or Prius, but put something special in the garage, like a Ferrari 488," says Feresten.
OTHER CARS TO CONSIDER BMW i8 (from $140,700); Tesla Model X P100D (from $135,500)
THE CAR 2017 Porsche 911 Carrera S (from $103,400), which received a slew of interior and exterior upgrades, including a new twin-turbo engine under the hood (purists are gasping).
MEANING IN HOLLYWOOD I made it, I finally made it, and I'm 32. Feresten says this Porsche tells the world: "Against all reasonable expectations, I made enough money to pay for this incredible machine, and I have smart taste, too."
OTHER CARS TO CONSIDER Jaguar F-Type SVR (from 125,950); Nissan GT-R Premium (from $109,990)
THE CAR The 2017 McLaren 570GT (from $198,950), in a custom color and with made-to-order options from the MSO program, is for tooling around from the Venice loft to the Culver City office to Disney.
MEANING IN HOLLYWOOD Dropping out of Stanford paid off! All risks, no regrets is the message, says Feresten: "On your deathbed, the last thing you should think about is why you didn't buy that car."
OTHER CARS TO CONSIDER Ferrari California T (from $206,473); Acura NSX (from $156,940)
THE CAR Ensure that your ride stays next to the valet stand with a 2017 Lamborghini Huracan LP 610-4 Spyder (from $262,350), proving that in the game of life, you've won. Plus, driving at full speed with the 5.2 liter, 602-horsepower V10 engine and the top down is one sure-fire way to ameliorate an impending midlife crisis.
MEANING IN HOLLYWOOD Even after all these years, I still have first-dollar gross.
OTHER CARS TO CONSIDER Aston Martin Vanquish (from $290,475); Rolls-Royce Dawn (from $341,125)
THE CAR The 2017 Range Rover SVAutobiography (from $199,950), with such accoutrements as a pressed-juice-friendly cooler compartment, is the coveted vehicle for "Getting a #10DollarLatte @AlfredCoffee with your #squad."
MEANING IN HOLLYWOOD Not unlike Kylie Jenner, who bought one for her 19th birthday, I financed mine with thousands of hashtags and millions in lip kit sales.
OTHER CARS TO CONSIDER Cadillac Escalade Platinum (from $92,195); Bentley Bentayga (from $229,100) — J.A.G.