Golden Globes: Ricky Gervais' 10 Memorable Jokes

6:15 PM 1/10/2016

by Ashley Lee

Usually with a drink in hand, the comedian considered Mel Gibson, Donald Trump, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lawrence, Eddie Redmayne and Caitlyn Jenner suitable punchlines while hosting the film-and-TV fete.

Ricky Gervais
Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

  • Opening Monologue

    In his opening monologue, the returning host made fun of Caitlyn Jenner's car accident, Sean Penn's recently published interview with "El Chapo" and NBC, which broadcast the annual awards show. "Shoosh. Shut up. You disgusting, pill-popping, sexual-deviant scum. I'm gonna do this monologue and go into hiding — not even Sean Penn will find me. Snitch," he first told the attendees. Also commenting on Jennifer Lawrence's wage gap essay, he said, "Of course women should be paid the same as men for doing the same job. And I'd like to say now that I'm getting paid exactly the same as Tina and Amy did last year. Now I know there was two of them, but it's not my fault if they want to share the money, is it? That's their stupid fault. It's funny cause it's true."

    Further, he told all the nominees, "Don't get emotional — it's embarrassing. That award is — no offense — worthless. It's a bit of metal that some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they could meet you and have a selfie with you. That's all it is. I've got three Golden Globes, myself. One's a doorstop, one I use to hit burglars with and one I keep by the bed to — doesn't matter why. It's mine! I won it fair and square. It's just the right shape and size. It's nothing. So to be clear: That was a joke about me shoving Golden Globes — that I've won — up my ass. And they asked me to host four times!"

    Read his full monologue here

  • In Memoriam?

    Gervais found a unique way to introduce Lorenzo Soria for his annual remarks. “The Golden Globes doesn’t have an In Memoriam section to get you all depressed. Instead we let the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press say a few words." 

  • Describing Matt Damon

    "Our next presenter is the star of the hilarious comedy The Martian," Gervais said while rolling his eyes and laughing of the film’s categorization. "I nearly died."

    Even more so, the host said of Damon, “He’s the only person Ben Affleck hasn’t been unfaithful to.”

  • Dissing Donald Trump

    “Eva Longoria and America Ferrera aren’t just beautiful, talented actresses,” said Gervais in introducing the two presenters. “They’re also two people who your future president Donald Trump can’t wait to deport.”

  • Way-Too-Famous Friends

    Gervais found a way to pair a Charlie Sheen diss with a light jab at Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer's highly publicized friendship. "Joy and Trainwreck -- no, not the name of Charlie Sheen’s two favorite hookers -- the films of our next two presenters," he said.

    "They’re best friends by the way, they wanted me to tell you that," he noted repeatedly, adding that the two actresses will personally tell and tweet those who don't already know of their offscreen bond. "Basically, It’s like they’ve never had a friend before.”

  • Here's Kevin and Ken

    "This show is way too long, isn’t it? This could be half an hour," said Gervais. "The best one was during the writers’ strike when they just read the winners."

    Still, he continued on to introduce presenters Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong. "When Brad [Pitt] and Angelina [Jolie] see our next two adorable little presenters, they’re gonna want to adopt them." The two came onstage laughing, especially as the microphone lowered. "This is way to high for us!" Hart said.

  • Mel Gibson, Again

    Gervais poked fun at Mel Gibson for his past, drunken anti-Semitic comments, first blaming NBC for allowing the pair to be onstage again. "A few years ago, on this show, I made a joke about Mel Gibson getting a bit drunk and saying a few unsavory things. We’ve all done it. I wasn’t judging him, but now I find myself in the awkward position of having to introduce him again."

    He then said, "Mel blames... we all know who Mel blames. Listen, I still feel a bit bad for it, Mel’s forgotten all about it apparently, that’s what drinking does."

    "I want to say something nice about Mel before he comes out, so, here ya go," Gervais continued. "I’d rather have a drink with him at his hotel room, than with Bill Cosby." After the two shared a hug, Gibson said of the host, "I love seeing Ricky once every three years because it reminds me to get a colonoscopy. You don’t need to leave your drink here, I’ll put you to sleep another way, you son of a bitch!

    Gervais then came back on stage and asked Gibson "What the f--- 'sugar tits' even means?" referring to the phrase Gibson used of female police officers after he was arrested for a DUI in 2006. 

  • Meet Morgan Freeman

    Gervais took a moment to introduce Morgan Freeman the "most respected actor in the room." However, he threw up his hands at the pre-written description, dissing the rest of the attendees, "That isn’t saying much!"

  • The Danish...

    Gervais introduced Eddie Redmayne as "an actress who is both beautiful and talented. Born in England, she came to America and has taken Hollywood by storm. The star of the nominated movie, The Danish Girl, please..." he paused, saying with surprise regarding Redmayne's onscreen performance as Lili Elbe, "It’s a dude!”

  • "Shalom!"

    Gervais delivered a short signoff, that still poked fun at Gibson's infamous anti-Semitic comments, saying, "From myself and Mel Gibson, shalom!"

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