Colbert and Fellow Late Night Hosts Blister Donald Trump's 'Bombshell' Offer (Video)
In response to the billionaire-reality star's pledge of $5 million for the president's college records, Colbert offered a mouthful of his own.
Donald Trump, the balls are now in your court.
After two days of hype, the billionaire and media magnet revealed his "bombshell" announcement about President Obama: that he would donate $5 million in exchange for the president's college transcripts. Though all attention is good attention for The Donald, it's likely that he did not receive the response he was expecting; instead of praise and electoral shockwaves with his name on them, Trump mostly just got mocked.
After hours of Twitter derision, he took a hit from the president himself, who joked on the Tonight Show that he and Trump have a rivalry going back to their days in Kenya, a nod at Trump's persistent birtherism beliefs. But that was just the tip of the iceberg; the rest of the late night lineup also got in their cracks about the backfiring bombshell.
Most prominent, perhaps, was Stephen Colbert, who made his own major offer: he would donate $1 million to any charity of Trump's choosing, if Trump allowed him to "dip my balls in your mouth."
And as he made clear, "this dipping has to be to my -- and, more importantly, to my balls’ -- satisfaction."
"Nothing would make me happier than to write this check," he continued. "And nothing would make America happier than have something going into your mouth than coming out of it."
Conan O'Brien addressed Trump's offer in his monologue, saying, "Obama responded by sending Trump a full transcript from his alma matter, University of Shove it Up Your Ass."
In a service to his viewers, Jimmy Kimmel added a subtitled translation of Trump's announcement YouTube video. "I am the most attention-starved person in the history of this country," his crack team translated The Donald as saying. "Even I don't believe my own bullshit anymore... I wet the bed until I was 14. My mother hung the sheets out my window so that everyone could see them. The other kids called me Diaper Donald. I have no intention of giving anything to anyone for any reason... My wife speaks no English. I am a very lonely man."