January 12, 2014 5:37pm PT by Erik Hayden
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's Monologue: The Best Jokes (Video)
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler opened the Golden Globe awards with a mostly friendly monologue that riffed on the major film and television nominees. "This is Hollywood, and if something kinda works they'll just keep doing it until everybody hates it," Fey said of her second hosting stint.
The duo joked about American Hustle's original title being "Explosion at the Wig Factory," skewered the raunchy scenes in The Wolf of Wall Street, and ranked the international popularity of Rowan Atkinson's Mr. Bean and Jean-Claude Van Damme.
They also singled out Matt Damon, Julia Louis-Dreyfus (seen in sunglasses smoking what looked like an electronic cigarette), George Clooney, Jennifer Lawrence, Matthew McConaughey and Woody Allen.
On Alfonso Cuaron's blockbuster astronaut film Gravity, Fey joked to applause and laughs: "It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age."
Jonah Hill bore the brunt of The Wolf of Wall Street quips. "If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I'd go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties," Poehler said. And, in reference to Wall Street's lengthy runtime: "We're going to get this show done in three hours, or as Martin Scorsese calls it, Act 1," said Fey.
Damon, nominated for his role in HBO's Liberace biopic Behind the Candelabra, was dismissed by Poehler. "On any other night in any other room you would be a big deal but tonight -- and don’t take this the wrong way -- you're basically a garbage person," she said, as he graciously laughed. The joke could be seen as a reference to a controversial comment allegedly made by critic Armond White at the New York Film Critics Circle Awards earlier in the month.
Meryl Streep's turn in August: Osage County, meanwhile, proved that "there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60," Fey quipped. She also pointed out that Dallas Buyers Club's McConaughey, "lost 45 lbs, or what actresses call 'being in a movie.' "
Woody Allen, set to be honored with the Cecil B. Demille Award at the event, was singled out along with Scorsese by Poehler, who joked: "I assume the award is for tiniest man with the biggest glasses."
Poehler also quipped of a new Showtime series: "Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College."
The Golden Globes are held at the international ballroom at the Beverly Hilton. Leading the film nominees are Steve McQueen's drama 12 Years a Slave and David O. Russell's heist title American Hustle, which garnered seven nods each.