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JAN
5
3 YEARS

'Jersey Shore' Season 5 Premiere: 10 Best Quotes of the Episode

The MTV reality series returned to Seaside Heights on Jan. 5, predictably, with a slew of memorable one-liners.

Jersey Shore Season 5
MTV

Jersey Shore returned with a fist pump on Jan. 5, with fans tuning in to see MTV's resident guidos and guidettes triumphant arrival to the states.

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As the housemates settle in to their storied Seaside Heights home, family and friends gather at a nearby bar for a surprise party. Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, struggling to redeem himself with his roommates, winds up bunking with Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola in their old room -- a move none of them seem to be happy about.

Sitch and Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi continue to exchange barbs over what may or may not have happened that fateful night in Los Angeles, while the pint-sized guidette aims to keep her beau, Jionni, as far away from Stich's pal Unit, an alleged "key witness," as possible.

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Once we move beyond the leftover Italian storyline, we are introduced to a new level of homesickness for Vinny Guadagnino, who begins feeling depressed and contemplates leaving the Shore. No surprise there, as we've seen him pack up his things and head off in a cab via promotional previews already.

In terms of zingers, Ronnie was on his A-Game this episode, as was (as usual) Paul "DJ Pauly D" Delvecchio. Read on for the 10 best quotes of the show and click here to see what the cast told The Hollywood Reporter about what's to come on the remainder of season 5.

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What was your favorite quote of the night? Weigh in in the comments section below.

1. Pauly D: "Me and Vinny are so excited, that Vinny immediately jumps on my bed and like, dry humps me on my bed just like old times."

2. Pauly D: "The first thing I want to do now that I'm back in America is I want to go tanning. I'm as pale as a ghost. I'm almost as white as my teeth."

3. Mike: "This is a serious situation right now. We're losing weight and we're getting pale. It's like the end of civilization."

4. Ronnie: "Vinny's hair, it's like a mixture between a mulle,t a mohawk and a faux hawk. I don't even know what to call it. But it looks good on him."

5. Ronnie: "Uncle Nino is the ultimate creep. I feel like he should be in this house with us. Honestly, he should get the smush room."
[Related - Uncle Nino: "Oh, Snooki Cookie Bella!"]

6. Mike: "This is Hurricane Situation and its headed straight for Snooki Island."

7. Sam: "Oh my God, let's be real. I just feel like Mike has gay tendencies… This is just so weird. Mike normally wifes up his grenades this way. Is he doing that with Unit?"

8. Pauly D: "Ryder's looking good tonight, but she already had sex with Vinny. And I'm not really cool with Vinny's sloppy seconds, so I don't really know what to do with her. But, I don't want to be rude. So, whether you're the first man in or the last man in, ride her."
[Related - Ronnie: "I'm not into sloppy 23rds."]

9. Deena: "Vin's in a funk since the surprise party and I feel bad for him. I don't want anybody in a funk, because their funk puts me in a funk because they're in a funk and I don't want anybody to be in a funk."

10. Jionni: "I met [Mike] twice, he came up to me he goes 'Bro, you're the nicest guy I ever met.'"
Snooki: "Why does everyone say that to you? You're not that nice."