Parvati Shallow Breaks Down 'Survivor: Worlds Apart': Won't These Two Fools Shut Up Already?!

 The season 30 theme is white collar vs. blue collar vs. no collar.

Parvati Shallow is a Survivor champ and three-time competitor on the show. The OG Miss Survivor and Survivor Hall of Famer now covers health and wellness for CBS News in New York City. Find her on Twitter @parvatishallow.

This episode of Survivor: Worlds Apart was an emotional rollercoaster for me. Let’s go for the ride together.

First, there’s irritation that Rodney and Dan are still allowed to talk. These guys have proven over the course of the season that when they speak they alienate people and make themselves look like self-important, pompous fools.

Now, if I were out on that island with these two goons, there would be a mandate of silence for Dan and Rodney, specifically designed to save my tribe mates from their ignorant bullying. 

But, since I’m simply an audience member watching the action unfold from the comfort of my own home, I can’t make Rodney and Dan shut up. And, for that, I apologize.

Read more 'Survivor' Castaway Says Competing on Show Is Harder Than Working at CAA, Playing in NFL

Second, there’s sadness for Shirin. While this little lady may be a nuisance for others in the game, I find her oddly endearing. I also don’t believe it’s ok to beat up on people just because they’re strange. Survivor tends to lend itself to the rules of a popularity contest and those who don’t fare well in these types of social competitions may be ostracized by the alphas of the group. Poor, sweet, strange little Shirin doesn’t have any friends in the game, and that’s hard to watch. Can someone please just be this girl’s friend? Joe? Hali? Anybody? And, can someone please get a gang together to vote Dan out-- for me?

I’m outright disgusted at Dan’s creepy chat with Shirin in the water. He bullies Shirin and tells her she’s an easy target, and then sleazily says, “I’m actually trying to be nice.” What the F is wrong with this dufus? I cannot believe he’s still in the game.

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Third, watching Joe take home the reward is awe-inspiring. He’s on a hot streak and no one can compete with this guy! No one, that is, except for Big Mike, who comes out with the Big Guns this episode. No -- I’m not talking about his bulging Texan biceps, I’m talking about the way he covertly chases around Joe and Tyler when they are talking idol clues. Mike has no shame in his game. He wants this so badly that he’s willing to hide behind bushes and shimmy up trees, braving splinters and shedding a few tears on his idol hunt. When he finally finds his treasure, his emotions are palpable. He’s so inspired by his own dedication that he brings himself to tears. I love this display of emotion and vulnerability from a man. Color me smitten.

Mike is the second-biggest threat in the game right now. Finding the idol is a massive coup for him, especially since he led everyone else to believe that Joe has it. Mike has already proven to be a solid gamer, but with an idol in his pocket, he’s got a little protection and a lot more power.

You’d think that with his newfound power, Mike could make us all happy and vote out Dan.

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But, Mike is incentivized to keep the big blue-collar bully in the game, so it looks like the work of banding together to vote out Dan will fall on the girls’ shoulders. In a scene on the beach before tribal it looks like my prayers will be answered. Sierra, Hali, Shirin and Jenn are all lounging and talking about Dan’s horrible communication skills. It appears the girls are all on the same page to vote him out, and they know they can count on Joe to join them. That means all they need is one more vote. Shirin approaches Tyler, telling him he’s a threat to the others. It looks like Tyler’s in! Whoa, is this really happening? Did I will this to be?

Excitement. Exhilaration.

Read more Parvati Shallow Breaks Down 'Survivor: Worlds Apart': Two Tribal Councils, One Blindside and a Major Shake-Up

At tribal council, Hali makes a comment about how there would be no Merica without the colonists turning on good old Great Britain. It looks like this is for real.

This is happening. Dan is going home!

Jeff reads the votes. Dan. Hali. Hali. Dan … edge of my seat.

Eighth person voted out of Survivor: Worlds Apart … Hali.

NOOOOooooooooOOOOoo.

Crushed. 

Tweet me @parvatishallow with questions or comments.

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