Steve Martin Reluctantly Sings "I Don't Want to Do This Show" With Jimmy Fallon

"I just hope he doesn't ask me about current events or that early affair with a man!"
Andrew Lipovsky/NBC
'The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon'

Steve Martin is debuting Bright Star, a new musical on Broadway — but he doesn't necessarily want to promote it.

Therefore, he sang a tune called "I Don't Want to Do This Show" while on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon on Monday night.

The song saw him ranting in his dressing room, lamenting his lack of late-night anecdotes ("I used up all my stories when I was in my 40s / but now I'm 52 years old and I don't want to do this show") or small-talk touchstones ("I just hope he doesn't ask me about current events or that early affair with a man!"). Plus, he doesn't care about whatever Fallon has to say about his wife and kids: "No one cares."

"I only agreed to come on this show Feb. 29 because I thought that date didn't exist — damn you, leap year!" he told himself as he stalled his onstage entrance.

Still, Martin did eventually hit the stage, and even sang a few bars with the Tonight Show host. Watch the video below.

Once seated, Martin spoke on his first stand-up set in 35 years, which took place when he opened for Jerry Seinfeld in New York.

"I actually do enjoy doing stand-up, especially now because when life is so busy and hectic, with stand-up, I can just go out, relax and enjoy the silence," he joked of the appearance, before sharing a few other bits.

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