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OCT
11
2 YEARS

'Survivor: Philippines': Parvati Shallow Recaps Episode 4

The three-time competitor and winner of "Survivor: Micronesia" shares her insight into the CBS show every week on THR.com.

Parvati Shallow - Survivor - P 2012

[Warning: Spoilers ahead of you haven't seen Wednesday's episode.]

The thunder crashes and God has spoken: Russell, you’re out of here. I have come to expect nothing less but this type of supernatural drama as our leading man gets his torch ceremonially snuffed. 

While we’re on the subject of riveting drama, are you guys as disappointed as I am with this “shocking confession” nonsense? It was so hyped up in the summary of the show it had me wound up the entire episode waiting to be blown off the sofa. And then, the episode ended. 

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Where was the “shocking confession a castaway makes to stay in the game” we were promised? I was so befuddled by this riddle that I went back and re-watched the entire section of the show after the challenge and searched for scene with the most dramatic music, obviously. Found it! Could it be that this wild, crazy reveal is simply Russell’s tale of being knocked around by a couple of kids in junior high? The music is so poignant, so emotional; it must be. Russell’s eyes alight with reminiscent bliss, he tells Denise about how he went back and punched the kid in the face so he would never have to live in fear, his shining moment. 

I can all but hear Denise’s thoughts, as they are written on her face as plain as the punch that Russell may or may not have actually thrown at his bullier: What are you talking about, Russell? All I wanted to do was find out who you’re voting for tonight and make sure it’s not me. End scene.

This season is starting to get real for me. Are you guys as caught up in this ride as I am? I’m so in this, I had to layer up two long-sleeve shirts, a cashmere sweater and a pair of UGG boots as I watched the castaways shivering together in the pouring rain. Being exposed to the elements can break a person’s spirits. Losing four challenges in a row can destroy a man. I’m so proud of Malcolm and Denise for keeping their heads up and playing smart as they continue to be pummeled in these challenges. Ditching Russell was the best decision they could have made, and I believe their alliance will be unbreakable moving forward. They’ve definitely got their work cut out for them as we have no idea how the tribes are going to shake up from here or what kinds of twists the producers have in store moving forward. Praise God (that was for you Russell), we are seeing a sliver of sunlight for these two as we watch some of the alliances beginning to unravel on the other side.

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RC and Abi are toast.

Never mix it up with a Brazilian vixen before you vet her first, RC. From my experience Brazilians are wonderfully complex, highly passionate, emotional creatures. Always up for a good time, not always the most rational, clear-headed alliance mates ... just sayin'.  Poor RC has no clue what she’s done wrong and Pete, the chaos master, is just wreaking havoc on the girls’ already cracked friendship. Stashing the clue to the immunity idol in RC’s bag where Abi could find it and expose it to the whole tribe puts a huge target on RC’s back. Nicely done, sir. He’s now worked himself into a power position with Abi, and Lisa is indebted and tied to him for survival. What’s the next move for this undercover mastermind? Abi doesn’t miss much, and if Pete is going to try to work any angle with anyone else on his tribe, especially RC, he better be extremely sly about it. We’ve clearly seen what happens when the fiesty Latina gets angry ... and we like it! 

Don’t get it twisted: I’m definitely not counting RC out of this yet. She’s a tough competitor and she’s wicked smart. Give her a minute to shake it off and get her head back in the game. It’s tough when a girlfriend stabs you in the back. Lick your wounds ladybug and transform that hurt, confusion and anger, to healthy competitive energy. Go get ‘em tigress!

STORY: 'Survivor: Philippines': Parvati Shallow Recaps Episode 3

Look out kids, we’ve got a Five Finger Manshake in play!

Hello, Carter. Nice to meet you and your closed-captioning. Finally, we’re seeing some gameplay over at Penner’s camp. Give the people enough downtime and challenge wins and we’re sure to see some alliance breakups and shakeups. Guys against girls sounds like a good plan. I think Jeff is a smart guy and knows what he’s doing out there, so I’m not going to freak out that he’s taking Jonathan Schemey McGee Penner into his fold, yet. Knowing that JP has an idol, it’s in Jeff’s best interest to make the man feel comfortable. Jeff has the ear of the people and Jonathan has the all-powerful idol. Brilliant fellas! Swoop in Carter and you’ve nearly got the numbers. I do see a small hitch in your plan, however. With the ladies getting suspicious, I have reason to believe one of the girls will work some witchy magic on Carter and get him to spill the beans. We’ve seen this happen before on the island, a young, impressionable man doesn’t stand a chance against the power of multiple crafty chicks. Time will tell. 

And so it goes, my friends. See you all next week for some more juicy gameplay and a medical evacuation, perchance?

Parvati Shallow, three-time Survivor veteran, winner of Survivor: Micronesia and the official reigning Miss Survivor, will share her insight into Survivor: Philippines every week on THR.com. When she's not living on a deserted island, she can be found continent-hopping in search of the hottest spas and vacation destinations around the globe. She sometimes teaches yoga and meditation to an elite, in-the-know group of clients at ESP Wellness Center in Santa Monica. Follow her on Twitter at @parvatishallow. To catch her in Santa Monica, check out www.espwellnesscenter.com.

Monty Brinton/CBS