Parvati Shallow Breaks Down 'Survivor': How to Get Yourself Voted Out

The 'Survivor' champ analyzes season 29 for THR
Monty Brinton/CBS
The castaways

Parvati Shallow is a Survivor champ and three-time competitor on the show. The OG Miss Survivor and Survivor Hall of Famer now covers health and wellness for CBS News in New York City. Find her on Twitter @parvatishallow.

Everybody out of my way, there are s’mores on the line!! Did I ever tell you about the time that I got back from playing Survivor Micronesia: Fans vs. Favorites and I ate about 9,000 s’mores? No joke. S’mores were my path to recovery. 

Knowing this, you can imagine my shock when, after winning the arena challenge, Hunapu chooses comfort over gooey, chocolatey, indulgence. Clearly, given the circumstances of living on an island with no real roof over your head, Hunapu made the correct choice. But, wow, for a group of rookies who seem to have no idea how this game works, I’m blown away by their rationality and foresight.

See more Parvati Shallow's 'Survivor' Photo Diary

One thing that is nearly 100 percent certain, Drew was not involved in the logical decision to select the tarp reward. This dude is the male version of Cher from Clueless. The only other guy as dopey as Drew is Jon, Jaclyn’s boyfriend. After winning the challenge, Jon chooses Drew “the ladies man” to go kick it with his girlfriend Jaclyn on exile island. Hold up, homeboy. Would you throw a T-Bone in front of a starving pit bull? You see where I’m going with this.

Once on exile island, Drew promptly vows to blow the challenge. A slew of absurdly conceited comments begin pouring out of Drew’s mouth, and they simply do not stop. “We’ve been winning too much, and I’ve gotta get rid of these snake-in-the-grass women, man. I’m the kingpin. I’m a badass. I’m manipulating the whole game. You know what I’m saying. I’m running this tribe.”

Eaaaaaasy, killer.

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Here’s a tip from the class I teach called Survivor 101: Do NOT throw a challenge. Ever. Just don’t do it. The risks will always outweigh the reward.

Sigh … some of us simply must learn from the classroom of life. Drew finds out the hard way that he’s not as powerful as he thinks. When his tribe loses the immunity challenge, Drew leads the charge to vote out Kelley, the so-called snake-in-the-grass woman. Much to his dismay, his band of brothers have other ideas. Jeremy wants Keith out, for selfish reasons. Jon wants to vote Julie because she’s the weakest link.

When the ladies get wind of the men’s disjointed voting strategies, Missy and Natalie take matters into their own hands.

Read more 'Survivor: Cagayan' Winner Reveals Plans for $1M Prize; Burning Questions Answered

Missy approaches Natalie and says the girls should bond together and make Drew’s nightmare a reality.

Boom. At his very first tribal council, Drew gets the boot. Ain’t so hot now, are you?

Second tip from Survivor 101: When the girls get together, expect power plays.

I’m so proud of you ladies.

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