9 Films Win THR's Palme d'Oh!
Near Cannes' glitzy Palais red carpet is the festival's convention floor center, where even the kookiest titles can be bought and sold.
Best Worst Use of an Oscar Winner: When you're marketing Baby Geniuses 3, how do you make people forget that critic Tom Long called Baby Geniuses 2 "the most incompetent and least funny comic film ever" and that IMDb readers rated it the second-worst film of all time? Call it Baby Geniuses: BSI (U.S.), so folks will think it's like TV's CSI. And put the bad guy, Cannes 1978 best actor winner Jon Voight, on the poster. Voight's stern face might scare small children. Plus, cast one baby who resembles Drew Barrymore. Talk about turning diapers into dollars!
Best Spielberg Knockoff: Canada's tongue-in-cartilaginous-cheek Jurassic Shark nods to Jaws and Jurassic Park. And the ghostly shark released by evil businessmen recalls Poltergeist's swimming-pool skeletons. Admit it, if you thought of this title, you'd make this film, too.
Most Unscary Movie: But is that the point? In this comedy-horror mix from the U.K., the killer has two accessories that don't bring a chill down anyone's spine: a bicycle and a helmet. At least he's polite about it.
Best King Knockoff: Maybe it was a mistake to visit Stephen King's lake in You Can't Kill Stephen King (U.S.), but it was smart to steal Cujo, Carrie, Christine, etc. Way to turn a bag of bones into a sack of cash.
Most Likely Lawsuit: You know he's bad, he's bad, he's really, really bad. He's the original moonwalk dancer, Geron Canidate, in Beyond the Moonwalk (U.S.). But he's really, really not Michael Jackson.
Best Mashup of Classics: Bigfoot (U.S.) stars legendary, two-fisted humanoids seldom captured on camera -- oh, and Bigfoot's in it, too. Barry Williams and Danny Bonaduce are must casting. But is this poster supposed to be parodying North by Northwest or King Kong?
Best Use of Zombies: The shotgun makes sense -- zombies hate shotguns. But why a mop and plumber's friend? And why Zombies at Christmas? (U.S.). Why not call it God Rest Ye Buried Gentlemen? Or Silent Night of the Living Dead?
Best Performance by a Hat: There's nothing wrong with the furry coiffure of Alfie the Little Werewolf, the hero of the hit Dutch film. But what's scary is that guy at lower left wearing what looks like a birthday cake for a hat. What is he, a candle bomber?
Least Marketable Characters: America produces Avengers action heroes. Norway, it seems, likes its heroes wooden. Twigson is a hit family trilogy that grossed about as much as the Twilight saga. Hmm, maybe Norway's in trouble.