Amy Schumer Talks Jennifer Lawrence, Renting Jake Gyllenhaal's Apartment on Stephen Colbert's 'Late Show'
"I wanted to know what it would be like to be friends with the hottest possible version of myself," Schumer said of Lawrence.
Amy Schumer visited former Comedy Central colleague Stephen Colbert on his first Friday Late Show.
The Trainwreck and Inside Amy Schumer star, who Colbert described as comedy's "it girl," said, "I will ask her what 'it' is. I think it's sex, but I'm afraid to ask," joined the late-night host as his first guest on the Friday show.
After embracing on stage and Colbert complimenting her look (she wore a grey pantsuit), Schumer replied, "I woke up like this."
Colbert reflected that the last time the two saw one another was at the Glamour Woman of the Year Awards, where Schumer hacked Katie Couric's phone. "I took Katie Couric's phone — and I was very drunk, I was glamorous — and I texted her husband that she wanted to have anal that night."
"How do we know that she didn't? You were an accomplice," Schumer reminded him.
"I enjoyed it enormously. It might have been one of the most enjoyable moments of my life," Colbert said of the moment when Schumer picked up Couric's phone (after she left the table at the party) and texted the journalist's husband.
Colbert then commented about how Jennifer Lawrence and Schumer are friends, to which the female comedian quipped of the Hunger Games actress, "I wanted to know what it would be like to be friends with the hottest possible version of myself. I just sit across from her having coffee like, 'oh, it could have been like that.'"
He then brought up how the actress previously lived in Jake Gyllenhaal's apartment. She said she and her sister were looking to rent a place and never met him when she lived in his two-bedroom pad. "It wasn't that expensive. Trust me, you know I'm not rich, right?" she told Colbert of her four-floor walk-up apartment.
"That's a walk up," she said pointing to her butt. "That's a very disappointing ass and I regret doing that," Schumer joked immediately after standing up and showing her derriere to the audience.
She mentioned that Gyllenhaal left one thing behind in the apartment: "The one thing that he did leave, because he really gutted the place, he left a frozen cake in his freezer. It was very old. It was not edible ... I would get drunk and I would eat it and I would talk as if he were there and I was at the party that the cake was served at."
A clip aired of Schumer holding the cake that said "Happy Birthday" and "You Are a Princess" before biting into it and drunkenly saying, "So good. You are a princess."
Colbert then complimented Schumer on being a role model for half the population of women on the planet before the two apologized to their former high school teachers for acting poorly in class.