Aziz Ansari, Jimmy Fallon Perform Dramatic Readings of Angry Yelp Reviews on 'The Tonight Show'
"You did not receive only one piece of chicken. I've never been more certain of anything in my life."
Aziz Ansari and Jimmy Fallon reprised their dramatic Yelp review readings Tuesday.
Fallon started out as a customer who felt deprived of not enough chicken and bread.
"You did not receive only one piece of chicken," retorted Ansari, reading the owner's comments. "I've never been more certain of anything in my life. If you wanted more bread, we would've given you as much bread as you could shove down your throat. It's just a deli, not the Olive Garden. Piss off, bro."
Dentist Dr. Goldman made one reviewer "cry with shame" over a cavity. The dentist's office apparently offered R-rated movies, which the reviewer (Fallon) complained had many nude scenes. Ansari played a livid Dr. Goldman, who shot back that she had warned the reviewer of the nudity ahead of time and said, "Looks like there were holes in your story and your teeth."
At this point Ansari briefly paused for a conversation about "boning" and added that he would love the meet these reviewers in real life, the dentist in particular.
Then it was time for his grand finale, an irate auto repair shop owner who told the man reviewing him that he was rude and nothing but a "little boy."
"Should you ever develop any MANHOOD in your lifetime, you will come to realize this truth," said Ansari, shouting the all caps words, "YOU CAN RUN AROUND AND LIE TO EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD, BUT THERE IS ONE PERSON YOU CANNOT LIE TO — AND THAT IS YOURSELF."