Chuck Lorre: 'If Charlie Sheen Outlives Me, I'm Gonna Be Really Pissed'

Chuck Lorre devoted his weekly vanity card to troubled Two and a Half Men actor Charlie Sheen on Monday's show.

It read:

"I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I've had chest x-rays, cardio stress tests, EKG's and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't have crazy, reckless sex with strangers."

"If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed."

In an interview Monday on The Dan Patrick Show, Sheen (who has been on hiatus from the show while he seeks drug treatment) criticized unnamed CBS and Warner Bros execs for not allowing him to return to work.

He implied that he has already returned to the Los Angeles set and was "banging on the stage door" but no one would let him back in.
 
"[The execs] said 'You get ready and we'll get ready' ... and I got ready and went back and nobody was there ... I don't know what to tell ya," Sheen explained.
 
Asked when he was scheduled to return, he cracked, "August of 2014 - at this pace."