Emily Owens M.D.

There is a moment in the new CW hospital drama Emily Owens M.D. when the main character, played by Mamie Gummer, says, "You must think I'm the most self-absorbed person in the world."

It's at this point when any sane viewer will leap from the couch and scream: "Yes! Yes! I think that! For the love all things holy, stop talking!"

Welcome to one of the most annoying and condescending shows you'll ever hopefully not watch. Emily Owens is a pilot that should be shown to all preteen girls, like one of those shocking Red Asphalt driver's ed films from long ago. It should be a warning to all young women that they need to have self-esteem, confidence and a belief in their own intelligence, or they'll end up like Emily, the most talkative, least confident successful woman you're likely to meet. Even more than all of those other characters on TV who are successful in their work lives but a total mess in their love lives. Emily is, in fact, way worse. She has a raging case of 12-year-old-girl insecurities about a cute boy. Patients could die around her, but Emily would just stand there, mooning over a male doctor.

Who knows what was on the mind of executive producer Jennie Snyder Urman (90210, Lipstick Jungle) when making Emily Owens. Maybe she was trying to answer some CW paradigm where "It has to relate to high school" is a permanent note from drama development. Maybe she thought it would be great to take Meryl Streep's daughter and give her a role in which she doesn't stop talking -- ever. Emily is like AM radio on "seek."

Dan Jinks (American Beauty, Pushing Daisies, Milk) also is a producer, and if his role was to somehow counteract the gooey, doe-eyed girliness of the thing, then he failed. There is not one smart moment. (Also in the show are Michael Rady, Justin Hartley, Aja Naomi King, Kelly McCreary and the lovely Necar Zadegan, who deserves better material and a better show.)

Unfortunately for Gummer, this role is going to make a lot of people root against her. They're going to want to see someone stick 500 cc's of Shut Up in her arm and let her drop to the floor, her lips -- moving like hummingbird wings -- finally slowing down to whispers while everyone in the hospital cheers wildly.

Airdate: 9 p.m. Tuesday, Oct. 16 (The CW)