Har for the course
A trip down the fairway of some famous golf-related film and television scenarios.It's hard to think of another sport that has inspired comedians more than golf. Since the early days of film, Hollywood's funniest performers have picked up bags, headed to the links and let the mayhem begin. "It's so regal that it's perfect for comedy," says comedian George Lopez, host of this year's Bob Hope Chrysler Classic in the Palm Springs area. "It's like if someone snuck into Buckingham Palace and ran around trying on the armor and messing with the crown." So, in tribute to the game of golf, The Hollywood Reporter presents a round of laughs from some masters of mirth.
Hole #1 -- "The Golf Specialist"
(Aug. 22, 1930, by RKO Radio Pictures)
The cantankerous J. Effingham Bellweather (W.C. Fields) is more interested in flirting with the wife of the hotel detective and browbeating his slow-witted caddy than getting off the first tee.
J. Effingham Bellweather: "Don't stand there! Don't you know I'll smite you in the sconce with this truncheon?"
Hole #2 -- "Three Little Beers"
(Nov. 28, 1935, by Columbia Pictures)
Brewery deliverymen Moe, Larry and Curly duck out of a beer run and hit the course to practice for a company tourney. Eye-poking, head-slapping and divots ensue.
Larry: "Hey, this is a kid's game. They're wearing short pants!"
Hole #3 -- "Divot Diggers"
(Feb. 8, 1936, by Hal Roach/MGM)
Golf becomes even more frustrating for a hapless foursome when the "Our Gang" kids and pet chimp Jiggs rise to the task of caddying for the round.
Spanky: "I shot a 74 yesterday."
Golfer: "Seventy-four strokes for 18 holes?"
Spanky: "No, that was just for the first hole, but I cut it down to 64 for the second!"
Hole #4 -- "Bringing Up Baby"
(Feb. 18, 1938, by RKO Radio Pictures)
Mild-mannered anthropologist Dr. David Huxley (Cary Grant) finds his life turned upside down by nutty heiress Susan Vance (Katharine Hepburn), whom he first meets on the course when she mistakenly keeps playing his ball.
Susan: "Now, don't lose your temper."
David: "My dear young lady, I'm not losing my temper. I'm merely trying to play some golf!"
Susan: "You choose the funniest places. This is a parking lot.?
Hole #5 -- "Donald's Golf Game"
(Nov. 4, 1938, by Walt Disney Studios)
Donald Duck has a rough time on the links when his nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie tag along.
(After hitting a shot with a trick driver his nephews have given him, Donald is unaware his club has transformed into a net and his ball now sits over his left shoulder in the webbing.)
Donald: "What a drive, what a drive."
Hole #6 -- "My Bunny Lies Over the Sea"
(Dec. 14, 1948, by Warner Bros.)
Bugs Bunny has a run-in with what he thinks is a sea monster attacking an old lady; turns out the monster is a set of bagpipes and the lady is MacRory. The Scot then challenges Bugs to a golf game.
MacRory (pulling out two golf bags): "Aye, golf ... choose your weapons."
Bugs: "Have it your way, Mac, but don't you get tired of running them 18 bases?"
Hole #7 -- "The Caddy"
(Aug. 10, 1953, by Paramount Pictures)
Harvey Miller Jr. (Jerry Lewis) is a top-flight golfer who freezes whenever he addresses the ball. He therefore uses his talent for the game
to help turn his buddy Joe Anthony (Dean Martin) into a PGA champion.
Harvey (describing a putt in Joe's debut): "It's at the cup. And it rims the edge, goes around ... and around ... but it doesn't go in. But wait, Hogan putts. He hits his ball and it knocks Joe's ball right into the cup!"
Hole #8 -- "I Love Lucy" ("The Golf Game")
(Episode No. 96 first aired May 17, 1954, on CBS)
The boys don't want the girls horning in on golf day, so they make up some outrageously silly rules to discourage Lucy and Ethel from taking up the game.
Lucy: "What club should I use?"
Ricky: "I think a stymie would be right."
Fred: "Unless she wants to use a niblick."
Lucy: "A niblick! That sound like something you made up. I'll use a stymie, dear."
Hole #9 -- "The Honeymooners" ("The Golfer")
(Episode No. 3 first aired Oct. 15, 1955, on CBS)
Big-mouth Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason) boasts of his golfing skills at work, and his boss is so impressed that he invites him to join his foursome that weekend. Trouble is, Ralph has never swung a club in his life.
Ed Norton (Art Carney): "First, you address the ball ... Hello, ball."
Hole #10 -- "The Munsters" ("Country Club Munsters")
(Episode No. 30 first aired April 15, 1965, on CBS)
Herman Munster (Fred Gwynne) wins a membership to the ultra-exclusive Mockingbird Heights Country Club. But when the club's course issubjected to a round of golf Herman Munster-style, it will never be the same.
Eddie Munster (Butch Patrick) "Hey Dad, it's in the rough ..."
Eddie: "... on the third hole, 1,500 yards away. I think you over-clubbed yourself."
Hole #11 -- "How to Commit Marriage"
(July 7, 1969, by Cinerama Releasing Corp.)
Frank Benson (Bob Hope) and Oliver Poe (Jackie Gleason) acquire a dislike for each other when their respective daughter and son have a child out of wedlock. The animosity heightens when Frank faces Oliver's golfing partner -- a chimpanzee -- in a high-stakes round.
Lois Grey (Maureen Arthur) (after Mildred, whom Oliver claims has the same seven handicap as Frank tees off): "Frank, she just hit that 275 yards."
Frank: "Yeah, some seven. She's a six if I ever saw one."
Hole #12 -- "Caddyshack"
(July 25, 1980, by Warner Bros.)
Judge Smails' (Ted Knight) idyllic country-club life becomes a nightmare when the loutish, nouveau riche Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) becomes a member. Meanwhile, groundskeeper Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) takes aim at a destructive gopher.
Dr. Beeper: "I thought you'd be the man to beat this year."
Ty Webb (Chevy Chase): "I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself."
Hole #13 -- "Dorf on Golf"
(1987 direct-to-video from Baker Entertainment Group)
Diminutive duffer Dorf (Tim Conway), with the help of trusty caddy Leonard (Vincent Schiavelli), gives in-depth and inept instructions on every aspect of the game, from putting to putting 'em away at the 19th hole.
Leonard: "Ya got a pencil?"
Dorf: "Now why would I be having a pencil?"
Leonard: "So I can mark the ball (on the green)."
Hole #14 -- "Dead Solid Perfect"
(First aired Dec. 18, 1988, on HBO)
Pro golfer Kenny Lee (Randy Quaid) might be his own worst enemy as his marital problems and excessive drinking distract him from reaching his true potential on the circuit.
Donny Smithern (Brett Cullen) (extending his hand after Kenny learns that Donny has slept with Kenny's mistress): "Well, we might as well act like professionals. Good luck."
Kenny (refusing to shake hands): "Piss on luck."
Hole #15 -- "Seinfeld" ("The Marine Biologist")
(Episode No. 78, first aired Feb. 10, 1994, on NBC)
When a shot on the beach by Kramer (Michael Richards) ends up in a whale's blowhole, George Costanza (Jason Alexander), pretending to be a marine biologist to impress a girl, must rise to the occasion and save the beached mammal.
George: "I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around and pulled out the obstruction."
Kramer: "A hole-in-one, huh?"
Hole #16 -- "Happy Gilmore"
(Feb. 16, 1996, by Universal)
When his career on the ice ends, NHL wannabe Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler) takes his killer slap shot and uses it to earn a living as a professional golfer.
Happy: "If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass."
Hole #17 -- "Tin Cup"
(Aug. 16, 1996, by Warner Bros.)
Could-have-been champ Roy McAvoy (Kevin Costner) decides to make a run for PGA glory after being smitten by Molly Griswold (Rene Russo). Roy qualifies for the U.S. Open, pitting him against his old rival and handsome current PGA headliner David Simms (Don Johnson).
Roy: "Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them."
Hole #18 -- "Everybody Loves Raymond" ("Fun With Debra")
(Episode No. 171 first aired Sept. 22, 2003, on CBS)
Raymond Barone's (Ray Ramono) love of golf is put to the test when wife Debra (Patricia Heaton), wanting to have more "fun" time together, takes up the game and joins him on the course.
Raymond: "You said I could go golfing."
Debra: "I said, 'Too bad.'"
Raymond: "I thought that meant for you."
MORE GOLF COVERAGE:
- Dialogue with George Lopez: The comedian takes over the Bob Hope Classic
- 'Fore' a good cause: Celebs hit the links for charity
- Club selection: Hollywood's favorite places to hit the links
- Taking care of business: Golf is a real asset for execs, but there are rules
- Har for the course: Famous fairway scenes