Jennifer Garner Gets Candid About Separation From Ben Affleck

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"I need to move with the big picture always on my mind," the star said in a Vanity Fair cover story.

Jennifer Garner got candid about her marriage and public separation from actor-husband Ben Affleck in the March issue of Vanity Fair.

The mother of three, who will star in the March 18 release of faith-based film Miracles From Heaven, didn't hold back about the ups and downs that she's experienced — including "nannygate" — since the couple announced their split a day after their 10-year anniversary in June 2015.

"We had been separated for months before I ever heard about the nanny. She had nothing to do with our decision to divorce. She was not a part of the equation. Bad judgment? Yes," Garner said of the rumored affair between Affleck and the family's 28-year-old nanny Christine Ouzounian. "I have had to have conversations about the meaning of ‘scandal,’" she said of conversations with her children.

Since their public separation, Garner has intentionally chosen to unplug. "I just won’t do it anymore. I took a silent oath with myself last summer to really stay offline. I am totally clueless about all of it," she explained in the magazine's cover story. "It hurts me so much, and I care so much. … I cannot be driven by the optics of this. I cannot let anger or hurt be my engine. I need to move with the big picture always on my mind, and the kids first and foremost."

Though the past year has been full of uncharted waters for the actress, she doesn't regret her decision to say "I do" to Affleck a decade ago. "I didn’t marry the big fat movie star; I married him. … And I would go back and remake that decision. I ran down the beach to him, and I would again. You can’t have these three babies and so much of what we had. He’s the love of my life. What am I going to do about that?"

While Garner admits that her marriage is neither what or where she imagined it would be, she said of her current relationship with Affleck, "We still have to help each other get through this. He’s still the only person who really knows the truth about things. And I’m still the only person that knows some of his truths.”

The actress candidly stated that while she looks "forward to getting past the pity stage. I look forward to just having a sense of humor," she recognizes that she can't hinge her happiness on Affleck. "It’s not Ben’s job to make me happy."

"Don’t worry — my eyes were wide open during the marriage. I’m taking good care of myself," Garner said.

"People have pain — they do regrettable things, they feel shame, and shame equals pain. No one needs to hate him for me," Garner said of Affleck. "I don’t hate him."

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