Oscars: Jimmy Kimmel Mocks Trump, Mel Gibson and Matt Damon in Opening Monologue; Brings Tourists to Show

"Meryl Streep has phoned it in for more than 50 films over the course of her lackluster career," said the Academy Awards host.

Following Justin Timberlake's opening musical number, Jimmy Kimmel took the stage at the 89th Academy Awards on Sunday.

"Oh good, I got a sitting ovation, awesome," joked Kimmel. 

He started teasing nominees right away, first speaking about the political climate in the U.S.

"I don't have to tell anybody the country is divided right now," said Kimmel. He said that he was advised to "bring everyone together" as a host and to "say something to unite" the country.

"I can't do that," said Kimmel. "There's only one braveheart in this room, and he's not going to unite us either." The camera flashed to Mel Gibson, who smiled. "Mel, you look great. I think the Scientology is working I really do."

The host went on to make jokes about President Trump, his faux nemesis Matt Damon, and Meryl Streep "for her many uninspiring and overrated performances."

"I want to say thank you to President Trump. Remember last year when it seemed like the Oscars were racist? That's gone, thanks to him," said Kimmel. He complimented Hollywood for being welcoming to outsiders, pointing out that Hollywood doesn't discriminate based on where people are from, but instead discriminates based on age and weight.

"It has been an amazing year. Black people saved NASA and white people saved jazz. That's what you call progress." He added that all of the nominated-movies are very sad this year and joked that the only "happy ending" was the one in the middle of Moonlight.

Kimmel continued his ongoing feud with Damon, saying he's known the actor forever — "when I first met Matt, I was the fat one" — and made fun of him for giving the lead Manchester by the Sea role to Casey Affleck. "Smooth move, dumbass." Later on in the evening, he teased Damon by highlighting his film We Bought a Zoo. "You can see how hard he's working it's so effortful for him." He also had the orchestra try to play off Damon when he presented best original screenplay with Ben Affleck.

During his monologue, the Oscars host went around the room calling out different nominees. He told Oscar nominee and French actress Isabelle Huppert that nobody has seen her film Elle, but he's glad homeland security let her in. Kimmel told Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos that if he wins tonight he can expect his Oscar to arrive in 2-5 business days. He said that Denzel Washington, who starred in and directed the Oscar-nominated film Fences, had always wanted to work with himself. Kimmel commended Andrew Garfield for losing 40 pounds for his film Silence, saying that that amount of weight lost "hasn't been attempted since every actress in every role ever."

"Meryl Streep has phoned it in for more than 50 films over the course of her lackluster career," joked Kimmel, alluding to Trump's tweeted insult that Streep was overrated. He asked the audience to give her a "totally undeserved round of applause" and they responded with a standing ovation. He added, "Nice dress by the way, is that an Ivanka?"

It's Kimmel's first time hosting the Oscars. In his preshow interview with The Hollywood Reporter Kimmel said he plans to put a spin on traditions, gamble a few times with his bits, and said he will definitely feed the audience. In an interview with Good Morning America he said that it's possible he'll have a "Mean Tweets" segment on the awards show.

After the first award was handed out, Kimmel pretended to kick out any reporters from CNN, The New York Times and the L.A. Times, a joke about several news outlets being denied entry to a White House press briefing last week.

"If you're from CNN or the L.A. or New York Times — if you work for anything with the word 'Times' in it, even like Medieval Times — I'd like to ask you to leave the building right now, OK?" he joked. "We have no tolerance for fake news. Fake tans we love, but [not] fake news." 

Later Kimmel told the crowd to close their eyes and wish really hard for candy, and then he dropped Red Vines and Junior Mints from above with little tiny white parachutes. Later on, he held up Lion actor Sunny Pawar mimicking a scene from the Lion King and Pawar yelled out "Lemonheads and Mike and Ike" as more candy rained down.

After Viola Davis accepted her Oscar for best supporting actress, Kimmel called her speech "unbelievable" and joked she "just got nominated for an Emmy for that speech at the Oscars."

Kimmel said that most tourists that come to Hollywood think they're going to see famous people and that they usually don't. He said there's a Hollywood tour bus right now with people riding on it thinking they are going to stop at a special exhibit of Oscar gowns. "They will see dresses and gowns — but they will be on people," said Kimmel, revealing that the people will be brought in to the Oscars and everyone will surprise them. "Does anybody know CPR?" he asked.

When the tourists were brought in, Kimmel had the lights turned off and asked everyone to yell "Mahershala." The wide-eyed tourists walked in and looked shocked as they raised their cell phones up to document everything. "You know you're on TV, so you don't need to do that," joked Kimmel. One man named Gary kissed Nicole Kidman's and Octavia Spencer's hands. Kimmel asked Gary's fiancee who her favorite actor was and she pointed to Denzel Washington. He got up and fake-married the couple, pronouncing them husband and wife. Ryan Gosling handed over his candy and Jennifer Aniston gifted the couple with $625 Sama Eyewear aviator sunglasses from her purse. 

Kimmel instructed the tourists to "ignore the jerk" sitting behind "vagrant" Casey Affleck and told them they could touch Mahershala Ali's Oscar. Kimmel seems to have been inspired by Garry Shandling who surprised a couple by blindfolding them and bringing them on stage at the Emmys, something Kimmel talked to The Hollywood Reporter about recently.

As the evening went on, Kimmel said he was worried about Donald Trump, who had not tweeted about the Oscars two hours in. He publicly tweeted at Trump, asking if he was up and telling him Meryl says hi.

Celebrites read mean tweets about themselves, for an Oscars edition of the Jimmy Kimmel Live staple. "Samuel L. Jackson has resting fart face," read Jackson, adding "Yes, I do." Emma Stone's tweet told her that she "looks like a crack whore in every role she plays." She replied, "Great."

At the end of the show, La La Land was mistakenly named as the best picture winner, when, in fact, Moonlight won. The mix-up occured when Warren Beatty was handed the wrong envelope. Kimmel came out on stage as confusion ensued and joked the La La Land producers should keep it anyway. "Personally I blame Steve Harvey for this," he teasingly said.

After Barry Jenkins and his producers accepted their win, Kimmel said, "I blame myself for this. We got to see some extra speeches. I knew I would screw this show up, I really did," he said. "I promise I'll never come back."

"I blame myself for this. we got to see some extra speeches. I knew I would screw this show up I really did. I promise I'll never come back," he said.

The Oscars are held at the Dolby Theatre at Hollywood & Highland Center in Los Angeles and broadcast on ABC.

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