Emmys: Jimmy Kimmel's 23 Best Jokes Include Donald Trump, Matt Damon and a Jeb Bush Cameo
The 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!' host opened the show with a spoof on 'The People v. O.J. Simpson.'
Host Jimmy Kimmel opened the 2016 Emmys with help from The People v. O.J. Simpson, the cast of Modern Family, fellow late-night host James Corden and Veep's presidential motorcade, which included driver Jeb Bush.
Beginning his journey to downtown Los Angeles in O.J. Simpson's famed white Ford Bronco, the Jimmy Kimmel Live! host hopped out and hitchhiked with the cast of Modern Family, followed by Corden, "Carpool Karaoke"-style. The fellow late-night hosts did a rendition of Wham!'s "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" before Kimmel was again cut loose. He then flagged down a presidential motorcade carrying Veep's Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), who was being driven in her armored limo by Bush. "I'm in between jobs right now. You know you can make 12 dollars an hour driving for Uber?" the former GOP presidential candidate told Kimmel about his current employment.
After the bit, Bush took to Twitter to offer Kimmel a 5-star rating, quoting Caddyshack.
Finally, Kimmel made it to the Microsoft Theater with the help of Game of Thrones' Khaleesi (Emilia Clarke) and her dragon, Drogon, who interrupted Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet with some fire breath on his way to drop the host off.
Kimmel then launched into his monologue for TV's biggest night, which included jabs at Donald Trump, producer Mark Burnett and Hollywood's practice of bragging about diversity.
The 2016 show marks Kimmel's second time hosting the Emmys, having served as emcee in 2012 when it last aired on ABC. Ahead of the show, the host, who is also nominated for best variety series for Jimmy Kimmel Live, toldThe Hollywood Reporter, "I would rather get a laugh than the trophy."
Here is a roundup of Kimmel's best jokes from Sunday night. (Head here to read his full opening monologue.)
23 Best Jokes:
"All right, that saved us 22 minutes, what else?" — Kimmel after running an Emmy to Jeffrey Tambor right off the bat.
"I would also like to acknowledge the winner of tonight’s plus-one contest, Sarah Paulson, who played Marcia Clark and actually brought Marcia Clark with her tonight. That’s a guest. Because everyone in L.A. knows, if you want to win, sit next to Marcia Clark."
"Are you rooting for O.J. to win this time?" — Kimmel to Marcia Clark.
"Cuba Gooding Jr. was so good in The People v. O.J. Simpson. He played O.J. so well I now believe Cuba may have done it."
"Television has the ability to make us laugh and cry — and, during certain key parts of Game of Thrones, masturbate."
"Hi, Jon Snow: You're my freebie, you know." — Kimmel to Kit Harington of Game of Thrones.
"Originally, they were going to cast a woman for the role, but it's very hard to find an actress over 50 who needs a part." — Kimmel on Louie Anderson playing Zach Galifianakis’ mother on Baskets.
"Here in Hollywood, the only thing we value more than diversity is congratulating ourselves on how much we value diversity."
"If it wasn’t for television would Donald Trump be running for president? No, he would be at home right now quietly rubbing up against his wife, Malaria, while she pretends to be asleep."
"Thanks to Mark Burnett, we don't have to watch reality shows anymore because we're living in one." — Kimmel to the creator of The Apprentice.
"If Donald Trump gets elected and he builds that wall, the first person we’re throwing over is Mark Burnett."
"When Maggie Smith hears she’s nominated for an Emmy, she has the same reaction the rest of us have when we get those 20 percent off Bed Bath & Beyond coupons in the mail. … She's Downton Absent is what she is. For the ninth time." — Kimmel on "Lame" Maggie Smith and implementing "the Maggie Smith Rule," which says a nominee must be present to win an award.
"Transparent was born a drama, but it identifies as a comedy." — Kimmel after creator Jill Soloway won best directing for a comedy.
"Now there's almost too much diversity in the show." — Kimmel after Master of None's Aziz Ansari and Alan Yang were played off the stage.
"Don't worry, he's not really here. I just wanted to see what you guys would do." — Kimmel after Dr. Bill Cosby was announced to the stage.
"If you're allergic to peanuts then I guess this is goodbye because we can only afford one EpiPen." — Kimmel while introducing the kids of Stranger Things to pass out PB&J sandwiches, homemade by Kimmel's mom, to the audience.
"Juice. Juice. Juice." — Kimmel handing multiple juice boxes to David Schwimmer, star of People v. O.J. Simpson.
"Dear Cuba, loved you in Snow Dogs." — Kimmel's mom's note to Cuba Gooding Jr. in the audience sandwich notes.
"I have to believe that Johnnie Cochran is somewhere smiling up at us tonight.”
"There's an afterparty?" — Kimmel asking Matt Damon after his faux rival called him a "big loser" for losing the best variety talk series category.
"We're not mailing this to her. Maggie, if you want this it will be in the lost and found." — Kimmel after grabbing the supporting actress in a drama trophy for an absent Maggie Smith.
"That in memoriam kicked ass. It's going to be tough to beat next year."
"We hit 'em with the Hein." — Kimmel closed the show with a wink to the "Baba Booey" catchphrase that caught on with Howard Stern fans in the 1990s.
The 68th annual Primetime Emmy Awards aired live Sunday, Sept. 18, on ABC.