Joan Rivers: Charlie Sheen 'Has No Act,' Just 'Two Bimbo Sluts' (Q&A)

Larry Busacca/Getty Images for Tribeca Film Festival

The host of E!'s "Fashion Police," WE's "Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?" lets loose on the "Torpedo of Truth" tour, red carpet etiquette and last night television.

The Hollywood Reporter: What's the biggest change to the red carpet since you got into the business?

Joan Rivers: It's completely different. We were asked originally to do a red carpet show and [daughter] Melissa and I both said we don't want to do it anymore.

THR: Why?

Rivers: You can't have any fun. In the old days a lot of star wore their own clothes and that was fun. Kim Basinger made her dress. Demi Moore wore bicycle shorts. Sharon Stone wore a t-shirt. Now it's all controlled. There's a PR person right behind you and if you said something negative about Nicole Kidman's dress last year then you're not going to get Tom Cruise this year because they share a publicist. So who the f*** needs it? I have better things to then stand and say, 'don't you look beautiful.' Fashion Police is perfect because you get to say what you think.

THR: Have the reactions remained the same over the year?

Rivers: I think they're finally getting it. It's okay that we say, 'Halle Barry looked stupid in that dress. She could look so much better.' It doesn't matter. As Melissa says, it's almost a badge of honor to be mentioned. If they don't know who you are then they're not going to talk about you.

THR: There's something to be said for all press is good press.

Rivers: You don't believe that? Look at Charlie Sheen. And Martha Stewart came out of jail bigger than ever. All press is good press.
 
THR: You bring up Charlie Sheen. What do you think of the tour?

Rivers: I'm so jealous. He's filling stadiums that I can't fill. Without an act! Do you understand? I have an act and I can't fill Radio City for a week. Charlie Sheen has NO act – he has two bimbo sluts. He's unhappy and he's a warlock and filling Radio City? I'm very upset.

THR: Is there a lesson to be learned from Sheen?

Rivers: The lesson to be learned is I should have been into drugs and whoring around when I was younger.

THR: It's not too late...

Rivers: But you know the old joke: if I went back out in the street, who gave you the quarter? Everybody. It's too late.

THR: What do you want to do that you haven't done already?

Rivers: Well, Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? on WE was renewed, so I'm thrilled about that. So I'm staying in L.A. five days a week; and the weekends back in New York. I know it sounds stupid but I want to go back to Broadway.

THR: Any idea of the show?

Rivers: I want to revive a thing called Sally Marr, which I did 15 years ago. I was nominated for a Tony, and I loved the show. I'd love to do a movie. I want to do everything. I'd love LOVE to do a sitcom.

THR: Would you love to do a broadcast sitcom schedule?

Rivers: Oh yeah. You know what I miss the most? Well, two things. I miss a late night show. I loved my late night shows because I love interviewing. And I loved radio. I did a radio show for seven years and I miss radio.
 
THR: How has the audience changed since you started?

Rivers: I think they're able to accept much more of the truth than when I started. I remember being on Ed Sullivan pregnant with Melissa, I couldn't say I was pregnant. I was eight months in waddling to the microphone and said, 'Mr. Sullivan, soon I will be hearing the pitter patter of little feet.' That's what they let me say – it had to be my first line. Now you'd say, what, 'I've been f**'en knocked up, who knows who the father is.' It's just so different. And I think it's great for comedy.

THR: Chelsea Handler aside, late night remains a man's game. Does that surprise you?

Rivers: Nah, I just miss it. I love the freedom of late night. I'd like to do late, late, late night. I think it would be so much fun.
 
THR: What were you thinking as the game of musical chairs with Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno was going on at NBC?

Rivers: Who cares? I was banned. F*** 'em all. Let's see what's on HBO. I don't watch when I'm not invited.
 
THR: What do you watch?

Rivers: My favorite show in the whole world is Animal Planet's Fatal Attractions. People get a bad pet like a rhinoceros and the minute they give it a name like Snooki you know it aint going to end well. And it never does.
 

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