Joan Rivers on Her Own Funeral: 'I Want It to Be Hollywood All the Way'

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Joan Rivers

"I don't want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents."

Joan Rivers wanted her own funeral to be a thoroughly Hollywood affair. 

The 81-year-old comedienne, who died while hospitalized at New York's Mount Sinai hospital on Thursday, included some characteristically breezy thoughts on the somber subject in her 2012 book, I Hate Everyone ... Starting With Me

On page 54, in a chapter entitled "Death Be Not Proud," she conjures up a game plan for the surreal scenario. The paragraph is addressed to her daughter, Melissa Rivers, who released the Thursday statement announcing her mother's passing. The book excerpt, perhaps fittingly, began to trend on social media in the hours after her death. 

When I die (and, yes, Melissa, that day will come; and, yes, Melissa, everything's in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action....I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don't want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don't want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing "Mr. Lonely." I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyonce's.

(Immediately after her funeral sketch in the book, Rivers turns to the Oscars In Memoriam section, beginning with the riff, "I love the death reel at the Oscars.")

The details of Rivers funeral are not yet known, though the service will be held this weekend in Manhattan at Temple Emanu-El, according to ABC News. 

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