John Oliver Celebrates Fourth of July By Listing British Things America Gave Up

HBO/Screenshot
'Last Week Tonight With John Oliver'

The U.S. doesn't have "meat pies, which are a lot like British people themselves: a hardened outer layer gives the impression of composure, but under the surface, it's just a hot f—ing mess."

John Oliver made sure to celebrate the Fourth of July with a Last Week Tonight video, shared Sunday on YouTube.

"Since 1776, you've done very well as a nation, but it might be worth thinking about just a handful of things you gave up when kicking Britain unceremoniously out of this country," he explained before saluting Americans with a list of things lost because the country declared its independence.

First, the accents: "These beautiful vowel sounds could have been yours. But instead, from sea to shining sea, you speak like you just burnt your tongue on a hot apple pie," said Oliver, also mourning Americans' loss of bowler hats and local cuisine. For example, "meat pies, which are a lot like British people themselves: a hardened outer layer gives the impression of composure, but under the surface, it's just a hot f—ing mess."

Mostly, U.S. citizens are missing out on pessimism. "British people never make the mistake of developing self-esteem because no matter what we achieve, deep down, we know we'll never be as good as the Queen, which is to say, an elderly woman who frowns for a living."

Watch the video below.

comments powered by Disqus