Late-Night Hosts Mock Donald Trump Jr., Kellyanne Conway for Latest Russia Controversy
"The excuse is, 'I tried to collude, but I didn't get anything,'" said Stephen Colbert.
Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah and Jimmy Kimmel did not go easy on Donald Trump Jr. and his excuses following the revelation that he met with a Russian lawyer to attempt to get damaging information about Hillary Clinton during the 2016 presidential campaign.
Colbert said he "isn't the least bit surprised" that Trump Jr. did that and he addressed the latter's two different accounts of how the meeting came to be, acting out the parts of Trump Jr., Paul Manafort and Jared Kushner.
Colbert said people are expected to believe that at the height of the presidential campaign the following happened: Trump Jr. told Manafort and Kushner, "I need you come to a meeting?" "With who?" responded Colbert as Manafort/Kushner. "I don't know." "About what?" "I'm not telling you." "OK we're in."
Trump Jr. said that the meeting ended up being a discussion about the adoption of Russian children. "The excuse is, 'I tried to collude, but I didn't get anything,'" said Colbert. "That's like saying 'Yes, your honor, I broke into the house but there was nothing worth stealing. So if you think about it, they were robbing me.'"
As his show's opener, Colbert replaced Jake Tapper's questions to Kellyanne Conway with his own, in a fake interview with the White House spokesperson.
"Why is a contact from the Miss Universe pageant setting up campaign meetings? Did Trump think there was a swimsuit component to the debates? Speaking of, how do you think the president would look in a bathing suit?" rattled off Colbert.
"Unusual," said Conway's edited response, before moving on to talk about Russia.
"You're lying. I'm going to wrap things up because talking to you is like staring into the mouth of madness," said Colbert. The interview concluded with Colbert "asking" Conway how she thinks his viewers will sum up their interview.
"No information that was meaningful or helpful was gained from this," she replied.
"At this point it would be easier if the Trump people just told us which Russians they hadn't met with," said Trevor Noah in his segment recapping the Trump Jr. revelations. "I don't even think Russian people hang out with this many Russians."
He, like Colbert, mocked Trump Jr. for defending himself by saying the Russian source he met with never ended up giving him productive information. "I only met with that other woman because I thought she wanted to f—," said Noah as Trump Jr. "Turns out she only wanted me to meet Jesus, so how you going to call me a cheater, girl?"
"That is batshit crazy," said Noah. "Donald Jr.'s defense is that he tried to collude but instead he got Russian catfished?"
Jimmy Kimmel called the entire situation "very fishy." He compared Trump Jr.'s defense to telling a judge he tried to rob a bank on a Sunday but forgot the bank was closed.
Kimmel had his own "interview" with a fake Kellyanne Conway, who asked him to define what the word "meeting" was.
"Jimmy do you eat meat?" said fake Conway. "Is that a meeting?"
"Listen, we should be focusing on Hillary Clinton and the she-mails she's been hiding," continued fake Conway, eventually leading Kimmel to give up.