Late-Night Hosts React to Comey Testimony: "Like Listening to a Clean Version of a Hip-Hop Song"

From Stephen Colbert to Seth Meyers, punches were not pulled across the late-night dial.

Former FBI director James Comey testified before the Senate Intelligence Committee on Thursday morning to detail several meetings with President Donald Trump that led him to create memos and thoroughly document each confrontation before his firing by the president on May 9.

Naturally, late-night hosts were quick to poke fun at the hearing, many live-tweeting during the event itself. When hosts hit the air on Thursday evening, they wasted no time in having a laugh at the former FBI director's comments, including his now-viral "Lordy" quip.

In his "A Closer Look" segment, Late Night's Seth Meyers noted Comey's comments about first meeting Trump and worrying he might lie about him. Meyers said, "That's the FBI director, a guy who has dealt with liars and criminals his whole life, walking out of his first meeting with the president and thinking, 'I gotta write this shit down.' "

As for House Speaker Paul Ryan's comment that Trump is "new to government," Meyers drew a comparison to a fast food. "Even at Chipotle you have to shadow people for like a week."

Over on CBS' Late Show, host Stephen Colbert was celebrating "St. Comey's Day."

"Everybody was looking forward to the former FBI director testifying about all the juicy details of his meetings with Donald Trump because remember, Comey wrote everything down and all his memos are going to be collected in his new children's book James and the Guilty Orange," joked Colbert.

In his testimony, Comey questioned the multiple reasons the Trump administration gave for why they fired him, including one about how he handled the Hillary Clinton investigation. He said at the point of his firing, a lot of time had passed and it was basically all "water under the bridge."

"Oh, I remember that bridge. I think it's the one they threw Hillary off of to see if she was a witch," said Colbert. He highlighted Comey's quote that Trump's assertion the FBI was in disarray were "lies, plain and simple." That would be a good name for a Trump law firm, Colbert said as "Lies, Plain & Simple" popped up on the screen alongside a photo of Trump and his two sons Donald Jr. and Eric.

Colbert also inserted himself into Comey's testimony, editing the footage to make it seem like he was in the room. He ate popcorn and wore 3D glasses, commenting that it felt like Comey really was in the room with him. He tried to get Comey to "hint" to him as to whether Trump colluded with the Russians. "Let's say you had an orange cat, really fat and lies a lot, would the cat enjoy drinking vodka?" he asked.

On Comedy Central's The Daily Show, Trevor Noah joked about the closed session that took place a few hours after Comey's testimony and was alluded to throughout the hearing. "Today's hearing was cool and everything, but basically it was like listening to a clean version of a hip-hop song," said Noah.

He also asked his audience to put everything in perspective. "Can we just pause for a second and acknowledge how batshit crazy all of this is?" said Noah. "Just think about it. It's normal for us. But if you just woke up from a coma and heard all of this at one time you would be screaming down the street with your ass out in one of those gowns like, 'How is he still president?!'" 

"This is why white people always die in horror movies," said Noah, leading into his Comey impersonation. "I was getting a bad feeling about this and I stayed to investigate further." He added, "If you had a black FBI director after the first meeting with Trump he'd be like 'Oh hell no, this is some obstruction shit.'"

Noah also took issue with Republicans who stressed that Trump just said he "hoped" Comey would let the Flynn investigation go, saying that language carries subtext and it means something that Trump ordered everyone out of the room to talk to Comey.

"[Senator Risch] makes it sound like Trump was a Disney character standing on a balcony singing, 'I hope Mike Flynn will be free some day.' That's not what happened."

On NBC's Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon spoke about the testimony in his monologue. "A big heat wave is expected to hit NYC this weekend. They say that we'll be sweating like Trump while he watched the James Comey hearing."

Fallon continued, "Despite Comey's testimony, a White House staffer said 'Today is a regular Thursday at the White House.' America was like, 'Yeah, that's what worries us.'"

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