Late-Night Hosts Joke About Trump's Press Conference, Golden Shower Rumors

Courtesy of Comedy Central

"Congratulations America — you have elected a man who looks at the presidency as his side hustle."

Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, James Corden and Trevor Noah had a lot to say about Donald Trump's first press conference in six months, as well as rumors around the leaked, unsubstantiated dossier with claims about him and Russia.

Trevor Noah played a clip of Trump bragging that while he could run a business and the country at the same time, he knew it would look bad, so he wouldn't do it. "Congratulations America — you have elected a man who looks at the presidency as his side hustle," said Noah.

The Daily Show host joked about Trump's "bravery in the face of reason" and how it seems all someone needs to do to get Trump to like them is compliment him. He mentioned Trump's constant comments about Hillary Clinton and addressed Trump, saying it was time to stop running for president and to start being the president.  

For Noah, one of the most frightening moments of yesterday's press conference was when Trump shouted down CNN's Jim Acosta. Noah said that in America, the press should be a check on the president, not the other way around, and said Trump's treatment of Acosta was like the "first step in the authoritarian tango."

"That's what you do. You shut down one news organization by alleging that it's all fake," said Noah. Once that succeeds, he explained, you keep shutting down news organizations until the only news left is by a network that reports on Trump working out. 

In another segment of the show, Noah asked how this is real life, saying there could not be a bigger juxtaposition between the president that America is losing and the one it is gaining. He illustrated his point by showing that on Tuesday night the two top trending topics were 1) ObamaFarewell and 2) golden showers.

"If you were to choose a sexual act that Donald Trump prefers, it would probably be the one with gold in the title," joked Noah.

Seth Meyers' "Couple Things" segment stressed that nothing in the Trump dossier is verified. "Nobody wants to believe that Trump paid Russian hookers to pee all over a bed more than I do, but there is zero proof that happened," said Meyers, joking that it's hard to believe Trump paid someone for services rendered.

Turning to Trump's press conference, Meyers mocked Trump for wanting credit for "not committing an impeachable offense," playing a clip of Trump speaking about how he turned down a $2 billion deal from a Dubai businessman.

The Late Night host said it's time to retire the term "fake news" now that everyone is using it in a different way than it was originally intended.

"The irony is Trump built his political career spreading a false and outrageous claim about President Obama," said Meyers. He played a string of sound bites of Trump saying that all he knows is what's on the internet. 

"So basically Trump has made his own bed, and now he's peeing in it," said Meyers. "Allegedly."

Stephen Colbert called the Russia dossier story "juicy" and teased Trump for saying that he feels like he's living in Nazi Germany.

"We all remember how unfair Nazi Germany was to their charismatic leader," said Colbert.

He went into a string of pee puns, saying that the story was just "an unfortunate leak" and the "worst kind of yellow journalism." He added, "I'm not going to make any jokes, not even a wee one."

Colbert talked about how at his press conference, Trump said having a good relationship with Putin should be seen as an asset, not a liability. 

"Sir, at this point, I think we all consider you a Russian asset," said Colbert. And to Trump's statement that America doesn't make good deals anymore, Colbert offered another quip: "Like how we traded Obama for the world's largest troll doll. Terrible deal."

Jimmy Kimmel's monologue brought up President Obama's "goodbye America speech" before turning to President-elect Trump, who also "delivered his 'goodbye America' speech."

"He doesn't like CNN right now, so he's not answering their questions," said Kimmel, addressing Trump's insults toward Acosta. "Who even knew you could do that?" He called the presser a "live version" of Trump's Twitter account and then did a 10-second recap of Trump's press conference.

Meanwhile, James Corden's monologue took on the golden shower rumors with a string of urine puns. "There were streams and streams of jokes online," said Corden, adding, "You can just flush the truth down the drain."

He talked about Trump refuting the unverified intelligence report when it "leaked out." Corden also gave people a moment to Google "golden showers" in case they didn't know what the term meant.

And he discussed reports that Trump's inauguration would have a "soft sensuality."

"At least Trump is planning on a little foreplay before he screws the nation," joked Corden.

 

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