My Fantasy Night With 'Mad Men's' Joan

"Mad Men's" Joan
"Mad Men's" Joan

"The Walking Dead" executive producer Gale Anne Hurd, Margaret Cho and "Don't Trust the B---- in Apt 23" executive producer Nahnatchka Khan were among the Hollywood women who penned personal essays on "Mad Men's" breakout bombshell.

HEATHER MCDONALD: My Fantasy Night Out With Joan

I arrived at the bar first and put my pocketbook on the stool next to me to save it for Joan. I ordered my usual champagne cocktail. I saw Joan enter wearing her favorite emerald-green sheath. I waved her over, and as she walked through the restaurant, two busboys were so mesmerized by her that they crashed into each other, causing even more heads to turn. Joan looked at me and bit her lower lip so as not to laugh. This isn't the first time Joan's curves have caused men to hurt themselves. Joan sat down, and before she could order her drink, the bartender presented her with champagne and informed us they were compliments of the two gentlemen at the table behind us. They weren't bad, and we were both hungry.

A working girl should never turn down a meal, especially when it's shellfish. Joan and I ordered shrimp cocktail and the special, lobster tail. They were in New York on business and staying at the hotel. I studied how Joan gently touched the man's forearm and giggled at his joke, one we'd both heard three nights prior. As I finished my cherries jubilee, one of the men suggested we go up to their suite for a nightcap. Joan politely declined. He grabbed her waist and said, "Don't be such a tease. Are you going to make me beg?" Joan turned her head and calmly said, "Next time you buy two women dinner, you might want to remove your family portrait from your wallet before paying the bill." We both stood up and Joan looked over her shoulder and said, "Enjoy your time in Manhattan, gentlemen."

McDonald is a comedian and writer for E!'s Chelsea Lately


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