Samantha Bee Eviscerates "Leering Dildos" Donald Trump and Billy Bush, Talks Debate

Courtesy of Samantha Bee/TBS

"Take a Tic Tac and grab them by the pussy is the closest thing to a plan Donald Trump has described this entire election."

The leaked audio of Donald Trump's lewd conversation on the Access Hollywood bus and Sunday night's debate were hot topics of discussion on Monday's late-night shows. Samantha Bee, Trevor Noah and Seth Meyers all weighed in on Trump's vulgar 2005 comments and his debate performance.

Bee called Trump and then Access Hollywood host Billy Bush, "two leering dildos" having a disgusting conversation on "an adolescent boner bus."

She said that while some "normal men" may be shocked by Trump's words, every woman she knows has "had some entitled testosterone monster grab her like a human bowling ball." The Full Frontal host did have one commendation for Trump, though.

"Take a Tic Tac and grab them by the pussy is the closest thing to a plan Donald Trump has described this entire election," she said. Bee added that the way Trump shrugged off his comments as unimportant made sense when you considered who he had in his corner — "Roger Ailes of the esteemed PR firm Ailes Cosby Polanski and Gibson," she joked, flashing a photo of a billboard advertising the services of a company headed by Ailes, Bill Cosby, Roman Polanski and Mel Gibson.

Moving on to the GOP response to Trump's bus comments, Bee put together a montage of Republicans talking about the women they're related to.

"Trump's comments are not wrong because you have female relatives," said Bee. "Trump's comments were wrong because women are human." She continued, "If you hadn't stood cravenly by while he insulted them for a year, you wouldn't be in the pile of elephant shit you are today."

Trump's debate performance was Bee's next target. She talked about the press conference he had with Bill Clinton's sexual assault accusers and asked why Bill Clinton and Trump can't be locked in a closet to "let them grope each other to death." 

She mocked Trump for stalking Hillary Clinton around the debate stage, threatening to jail Clinton and "fornicating with a chair." She joked, "When you're a star, the chairs let you do it."

And she fired back at Trump's "locker room talk" defense for what he said on the Access Hollywood bus, telling him, "You weren't in a locker room, you sleazy pair of sweatsocks, you were at work."

Trevor Noah used his own biting humor to take on Trump's comments. He said he'd never heard the phrase "grab them by the pussy" in his life, and joked that "maybe it's a tiny hands thing" and Trump needed something to grab on to "like a baby holding a grapefruit."

"Trump's scandals right now are like when the first black guy joined white sports," said the Daily Show host. "People were like, 'I had no idea that was possible.' "

Like Bee, Noah pointed out that Republicans who were finally taking offense to Trump were doing so by listing their female family members. "The Trump tape shouldn't offend you on behalf of women, it should offend you as a human being," said Noah.

He joked about what kind of locker rooms Ben Carson has been in, since Carson defended Trump's comments, and said that Trump supporters like Carson are "conflating sex talk and sexual assault talk." At around the eight-minute mark, Noah talks about the difference between speaking crudely and speaking about an illegal act.

"If you conduct locker room talk everywhere, it's not the locker room, it's you, motherf---er!" he shouted at Trump. 

Noah also talked about how Trump continues to remind him of an African dictator, something the Daily Show host first brought up a year ago. "Jailing your opponent is straight out of the African dictator playbook," he said in reference to one of the times Trump lashed out at Clinton during the debate.

He marveled at the Muslim woman at the debate town hall, saying that a Muslim still being undecided about whether to vote Trump or Clinton is "like a stoner having trouble deciding between ordering a pizza or calling the cops."

Noah also joked that he understood why Clinton didn't want to shake Trump's hand at the beginning of the event. "In Hillary's defense, I guess she didn't want to touch his hand after hearing what he does with it."

Seth Meyers referred to Donald Trump as the "pervert on the bus" in his "Closer Look" segment about Trump's weekend.

The NBC late-night host also talked about Billy Bush being suspended from Today, saying there's "currently a higher standard for host of the third hour of the Today show than there is for Republican nominee for president."

Meyers said that Trump's comments are "not the way men in locker rooms talk" and then mocked the way he "lurked behind Hillary Clinton" at the debate, calling it Trump's "locker room walk."

"Trump finally revealed his inner dictator," said Meyers, echoing Noah's sentiments about Trump's threat to jail Clinton.

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