Stephen Colbert Begs Donald Trump to Govern From White House, Not New York
"This is the first president who considers living in the White House slumming it."
On Tuesday's Late Show, Stephen Colbert commented on news reports that Trump wants to live part-time in New York City, since he's used to his place in Trump Tower.
"This is the first president who considers living in the White House slumming it," said Colbert.
He had a message for Trump: "On behalf of 8 million people, please don't come back every week to New York. I am begging you. Please."
He continued, pointing out how awful traffic is in the city in the one week every year when the president visits New York for the United Nations summit.
"It's like the fall of Saigon meets Dante's Inferno meets World War Z around here," said Colbert. He found it even more distressing that the Secret Service said it's going to shut down parts of Fifth Avenue whenever Trump visits.
"Traffic's going to be so backed up people in their cars will start drinking their own urine to survive," said the Late Show host. "Whole generations of New Yorkers will be born and die without ever leaving their Uber." He doesn't even understand why Trump would want to spend time in the city, given that 86 percent of Manhattan voted against him and his front door is blocked by thousands of people protesting him.
"I mean, honest to God, Fifth Ave!" proclaimed Colbert. "That goes down the center of the island. That's like the doctor saying we're just going to take out your spine, everything else is going to stay."
In his monologue, Colbert also talked about Ben Carson saying he doesn't want a job on Trump's administration since he has no government experience and discussed how fake Facebook news is created by Macedonian teens. He concluded his monologue by highlighting a new study that says blood from human teens can rejuvenate the body and brains of old mice. "If young people's blood can rejuvenate the elderly, I say we hook up Ariana Grande to Ruth Bader Ginsburg," joked Colbert.