VMAs 2012: Kevin Hart Riffs on Kristen Stewart, Snooki, Chris Brown, Drake
Video Music Awards host Kevin Hart made his entrance at Los Angeles' Staples Center on Thursday night with the announcement that he was the "next president of the United States."
A timely declaration, given that the actual president -- Barack Obama -- was three time zones away preparing to address the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, N.C., later Thursday night.
Hart entered the venue surrounded by a group of little people decked out in Secret Service attire.
"MTV made a mistake: I told MTV I needed a little security and they took it literally," Hart said, who then riffed on all the "mistakes" made by those in Hollywood over the past few months, targeting Kristen Stewart, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Chris Brown and Drake.
Among his targets:
The actress was recently embroiled in a cheating scandal after it was revealed that she had cheated on her boyfriend and Twilight co-star, Robert Pattinson, with her Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders.
Hart's take: "The elephant in the room -- Kristen Stewart -- I said it. ... Everybody is mad at Kristen Stewart for making a mistake. OK, she allegedly messed around with the direct of Snow White and the Huntsman. She did? So what? It's over. Move on. Here's the bright side: I know part of the seven dwarves -- there's sleepy, grumpy, adultery, cheating. ... She made a mistake. So what?"
Drake and Chris Brown
The two were involved in a brawl at a nightclub earlier this year allegedly over Rihanna, whom both men have reportedly dated. (All three were in attendance at the show.)
Hart's take: "Right now you guys are arguing over a mistake, you're arguing over a thrown bottle in a club. Chris, let me tell you someting: This is not about Drake, who is from Canada. He loves to recycle. Drake thought there was a recycle bin in Chris' section. He threw the bottle. Chris didn't see it because he was dancing and his head was down. ... Why fight over a mistake? Let's nip it in the bud and fix it tonight."
The singer made headlines when he revealed in a letter to his fans that he fell for a man several years ago.
Hart's take: "I think what Frank Ocean did was really great, and I'm very serious about taht. For those who don't know what Frank Ocean did, he realized he needed to come out of the closet in the middle of singing one of his songs. 'I've been thinkining about you, Leroy.' They said, 'Frank, I think you said "Leroy,"' he said, 'No I didn't. I said "Lisa."'... They said, 'Frank, we can play it back if you want us to.' He said, everybody take five, he wrote a letter to his fans. Not everybody can do that, and for that, I commend you."
The Jersey Shore star just gave birth to her first child, a son named Lorenzo with fiance Jionni LaValle.
Hart's take: "Everybody knows she had a bun in the oven for a while. For god sakes, she's been cooking her skin for the last 10 years. I'm just glad she didn't have a footlong from Subway. This was her baby daddy's mistake -- he just wanted some nookie from Snooki, and now he's sitting at home going, 'WTF?'"
At the end of his monologue, Hart added that he probably would be making "tons of mistakes" himself throughout the awards show.