January 15, 2012 9:11pm PT by Erin Carlson
Golden Globes 2012: 10 Memorable Ricky Gervais Jokes
Leave it to Ricky Gervais to keep his celebrity targets on edge, and viewers back home snickering at their TVs. From his opening monogue to his closing lines, here were 10 of the host's most memorable barbs:
1. "For any of you who don't know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker, and more easily bought. Allegedly. Nothing's been proved."
2. "They actually gave me a list of rules. I'm going to ignore them, but I thought it would be good to read them out. This is real, ok? No profanity. That's fine. I've got a huge vocabulary. No nudity. See, that's a shame. Because I've got a huge ... vocabulary. But a tiny penis. No, no. Doesn't matter. It works. Don't worry about it. It's fine."
3. "What's with all the divorces? What's going on? Arnold and Maria, J-Lo and Mark Anthony, Ashton and Demi. Kim Kardashian and some guy no one will remember. He wasn't around long. Seventy-two days. A marriage that lasted 72 days. I've sat through longer James Cameron acceptance speeches."
4. On Bridesmaids: "Farting, burping, cursing, performing wild sex acts, even pooping in the sink. I heard for research they spent the weekend with Dame Helen Mirren."
5. On Boardwalk Empire: "It’s about a load of immigrants who came to America about a 100 years ago and they got involved in bribery and corruption and worked their way up into high society. But enough about the Hollywood Foreign Press ... They do a lot of charity work and they’re a nonprofit organization -- just like NBC."
6. Introducing Colin Firth: "He's also swooned over by women. I don't see it. Good luck to him. ... He's very racist. I mean, really nasty stuff. Also, I've seen him punch a little blind kitten. Please welcome the evil Colin Firth."
7. Intro-ing Natalie Portman: “Last year, our next presenter won both the Golden Globe and the Oscar for her work in Black Swan. This year, she took some time out to have a baby. Consequently, she’s been nominated for nothing. Really pathetic. But she learned that valuable lesson you all already knew -- never put family first. Please welcome the very foolish Natalie Portman."
8. "I hope you enjoy the goodie bags and the champagne and the gold," Gervais, addressing the well-heeled crowd of stars and industry people.
9. "Bit of trivia for you. Eddie Murphy and Adam Sandler between them played all the parts in the movie The Help. Isn't that brilliant. They were brilliant. I cant believe they're not here. Or maybe they are. They're masters of disguise."
10. "She’s always vogue, she’s a material girl and she’s just like a virgin," said Gervais, clearing his throat for comic effect, in his Madonna intro.
Come back next year, Ricky?