Tori & Dean: Inn Love
Empty10:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 20
Assigned to review a new reality show on Oxygen that chronicles Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott's plans to open a bed and breakfast, one is naturally moved to contemplate what he might have done to so offend God. But when life hands you Tori Spelling, you're obliged to make Spellingade, so here goes.
"Tori & Dean: Inn Love" is roughly as banal as one might expect the opening installment of a series focusing on how Spelling is blowing her $800,000 inheritance to be. She: shallow, materialistic, spoiled, annoying. He: put-upon, feckless, devoted, clueless. Together, they prove a prince and princess of unabashed entitlement, and the urge to strangle them both oft proves overwhelming.
It's all very lighthearted, lightweight and lightheaded, which is hardly a news flash. More surprising is the fact it's executive produced in tandem with master documentarians Randy Barbato and Fenton Bailey, who clearly are slumming between real gigs.
The opener of the eight-episode trifle finds the newlyweds -- who became parents for the first time last week with the birth of son Liam Aaron McDermott -- prepping for the kid's arrival (ultrasound, getting the room ready, etc.) while concurrently brainstorming about how to "invest" nearly $1 million of Spelling's late father Aaron's money. They hit on the idea of opening a B&B (but hip, not antiquated). This inspires Tori to instantly downsize, working to unload a space the size of an airplane hangar that stores her stuff and hold a garage sale to liquidate all of the lesser designer clothes and possessions.
She manages amidst all of this to slip in a mention of the blood-stained dress she wore while losing her virginity, information that does precious little to enlighten us. Her hubby mostly just flashes pained expressions and moans. If you stick around for the forthcoming B&B quest (think "The Simple Life"), you are a far more tolerant human than I.