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'American Idol' Recap: Rock Night Brings Pinched Nerves, Broken Toes and 'Crack Juice'

The top 7 turn it up to 11 on Wednesday's episode.

Angie Miller rock night perf P
Ray Mickshaw / Fox

After weeks of R&B balladry, American Idol’s top 7 wanted to show the nation they were ready to bring the rock.

But wasn’t this week's theme billed as a “ballad free week?” How is “What About Love” by Heart not a ballad? How did Amber Holcomb get away with this? Also, why tease us with Rush’s “Limelight” in the opening segment? 

In addition to the evening’s solo performances of songs by Bon Jovi, Queen, and Janis Joplin, the Idols once again were paired in group numbers. Burnell Taylor and Candace Glover handled “The Letter” by The Box Tops, and Mariah Carey inexplicably suggested they do “The Closer I Get to You” as a duet on Rock night. Why not have them do Peaches and Herb while we’re at it?

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The lyric-challenged Lazaro Arbos performed not one, but two Queen songs. There was a duet of “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” with Angie Miller and also “We Are The Champions,” famously done by Adam Lambert and Kris Allen with Queen during the season 8 finale. It’s safe to say after last night we won’t see Arbos fronting the band in Russia anytime soon (although he fared a bit better on “We Are the Champions,” which fit in his dramatic wheelhouse).

As for the girls’ group number of Billy Joel’s “It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me,” Nicki Minaj once again pulled out a gem of a nickname for the trio of Kree Harrison, Holcomb, and Janelle Arthur, dubbing them Jem and the Holograms. However, she said that the song “put her to sleep” and was way too cheesy. She was sort of right on that one. The whole performance felt like it belonged on The Brady Bunch Variety Hour from the ‘70s.

Many times throughout the night, the judges seemed like they were moderating a different show: Fashion Idol. There were shout outs to shoes, vests, and boots. There were also comparisons to the jewelry worn by season 11 alum Hollie Cavanagh, who was in the audience with Joshua Ledet.  Cavanagh, who just moved to Los Angeles, was graciously introduced to Carey by Seacrest at the judge’s table, where the two examined each others' rings. Very cute.

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So who gave the most authentic rock performance? With Orianthi offering her guitar skills on each song, who unleashed their inner James Durbin, Constantine Maroulis, Crystal Bowersox or Bo Bice on Wednesday night?  Read on.

Burnell Taylor (“You Give Love A Bad Name” by Bon Jovi):  According to Taylor's Idol castmates, his laugh is ruining his vocal cords. That’s not it. Taylor’s voice is fine, but, like Arbos, he seems to have trouble with songs which are out of his comfort zone. Or more specifically, with music he's unfamiliar with. Keith Urban was right. The poor thing looked uncomfortable and stiff on stage. “I’m going to assume rock and roll is not your thing,” he said. Minaj still finds Taylor loveable, like a Teddy Ruxpin Bear (she is such a child of the ‘80s). "I still wanted to hug you.” Jackson pointed out an obvious flaw in the performance, saying “everything was so behind the beat. ...The timing was off." (The dawg was right on this one. Blake Lewis demonstrated exactly how to stay on the beat when he tackled this same song in season 6). Carey said the song “took me back to memory lane. ...I was proud of you."

Kree Harrison (“Piece of My Heart” by Janis Joplin): Harrison is the “mom of the group” and gives the most hugs. She needed a hug herself on Wednesday, performing with a pinched nerve. Although her take on the song was lovely, I sort of missed the Joplin-ish wailing that Melissa Etheridge does so well when she covers it. Jackson loved all her “bluesy inflections,” and gave us his two favorite cliches: "the show finally started tonight” and “this girl is in it to win it." Urban was sweet, asking “how easy is it to perform in those shoes? Because it seemed you were struggling to move around." Minaj paid homage to “Kree-dom, calling it "magnificent. "If I were tuning in and on my Idol app you would get all 50 of my votes," she said. Carey said “You have an innate ability to choose your songs."

Janelle Arthur (“You May Be Right” by Billy Joel): The Tennessee native just keeps getting better every week, doesn’t she? Country and rock are similar styles, and Arthur melded them beautifully on this song with a strong performance and stage presence. Urban loved her boots and how she worked the stage, calling her a “contender." Minaj wanted to borrow the boots, and rightly said Arthur has a “best friend” quality girls will love. Jackson bellowed “authenticity at its best,” praised the vest and called her a "great contender” while Carey gave the best technical critique (I have been waiting for this from her): “I really loved this key. It fit your vibrato. ...You took it up an octave." Yes, Mariah. More of that, please.

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Lazaro Arbos (“We Are The Champions” by Queen): “I don’t understand his fetish for pink,” Glover joked. Heh. He didn’t wear pink tonight (although he did have on some revealing red pants earlier). That said, Arbos wasn’t terrible on this, but he still is having trouble with lyrics. Minaj “wanted to do some meringue and salsa" with the singer. "It was crack juice. I think you did it justice." Jackson said. Carey was “concerned" but thought he did a "good job."  And Urban said that the song “played into" Arbos' "dramatics” and added he loved the Matador ending.

Candace Glover (“(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” by The Rolling Stones): Poor Glover was the second injury tonight, breaking her toe in a failed April Fools' Day joke meant for Lazaro. Attitude is no problem for Glover, and she rocked the Stones with full bravado and force. Minaj said her voice was “amazing” but “fell asleep” during the song. She proceeded to boo herself preemptively, before the audience could. Carey wants America to vote for Candace because there is a song she is waiting to hear (color me curious). Urban felt Glover's pain, and said when she gets in the high register, her “power never wanes." Jackson said she “brought attitude" like Tina Turner.

Amber Holcomb (“What About Love” by Heart): Hey, this was a ballad. Sorry, but I thought they said no ballads. Ahem, OK. Holcomb looked great, and this song was a good choice for her, but she started to go slightly screechy in the higher part of her register. Urban again ogled the shoes, and said the “key change was killer."  Minaj was pleased, as she did a freestyle song to that on a mix tape. “You look striking,” she said. “You believed what you were singing." Jackson praised her legs and “Houston-isms”, then incorrectly said Heart wrote the song. (Nope. It was a cover of a song by the Canadian band, Toronto.) Carey said it was “A-mazing" and "perfect." "You can hear all natural inflections that are intrinsic to you," Carey added.

Angie Miller (“Bring Me To Life” by Evanescence): Miller started in her sweet spot: the piano. But when she got up on center stage, she was at odds with the wind machine, which almost created a wardrobe malfunction with her shirt. Miller looks a lot like Miley Cyrus, doesn’t she? She also has the sheen of a contemporary star. Minaj loved that she was all in black, and said the song was the “perfect choice." Jackson said he sees an edginess with Miller and said the “note at the end was stellar." Carey loved  that she began at the piano. "I appreciated this song and you."Urban also praised Miller singing with the piano. "For me the rock thing isn’t about singing well, it’s all feel," he said. "Don’t be conscious about the way you look."

So who rocked your world, Idol Worshippers? Who is going home? Who had the best shoes? Let us know in the comments below.

Twitter: @Idol_Worship