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Amy Schumer is out with her first book, The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo. It is a collection of comedic and deeply revealing essays about her life — think of it as 35 short stories that make up a memoir. The reviews have been strong so far, as have the sales.
Below are six of the most interesting revelations from the book.
She lost her virginity in a nonconsensual way:
“At one point, I was lying on my back, not paying attention, and suddenly felt Jeff fingering me. We hadn’t been fooling around at all, so it seemed strange to go right to that. … So I looked down and realized he had put his penis in me … without asking first, without kissing me, without so much as looking me in the eyes — or even confirming if I was awake.” She goes on, “The next day he apologized. He was very upset, saying how awful he felt. … I put my head on his chest and told him it was okay. I comforted him. Let me repeat: I comforted him.”
Her “number” is 28:
“To date, I’ve slept with 28 people. I can’t remember all of their names, but I remember the nicknames I gave them (Third Ball, Pit Bull Guy, Cousin Steve —JKJKJKJK).” [Added in the sexual trivia she includes in a list of 44 “Things You Don’t Know About Me”: She’s never had anal sex (she’d try, except for the rule of no eating for two hours before), she’s never hooked up with a girl and she’s never been pregnant.]
Her mother fell in love with her best friend’s father:
In the summer when she was 13, Schumer’s mom announced that she was in love with Schumer’s best friend Mia’s father, Lou. Schumer acted supportive but in retrospect says of her mother: “Looking back now, I’m horrified she let me play that role. To allow your 13-year-old to be your support system while simultaneously ripping her world apart is not a kind thing to do.” [The relationship between her mother and Lou lasted a couple of months. Mia, to this day, has never forgiven Schumer for what happened].
She’s only had a single one-night stand, but it was a super hot one with a British marine:
She was in the airport in Fayetteville, N.C., with “zero makeup or bra, wearing sweatpants” when she spied a “6-foot-2-inch strapping strawberry blond of about 35 years old” who, as fate would have it, sat next to her on the plane. Long story short, Schumer flirted hard with him (sample: “Him: Who discovered you? Her: A magician. Him: Is he going to saw you in half? Her: I was hoping you would.”) and they hooked up after one of her shows (“the sex was perfect. … I felt like Marlene Dietrich in Morocco“).
She was in an abusive relationship:
The former boyfriend was identified as “Dan,” a private-school-attending, Manhattan-raised privileged kid whom she dated in her early 20s and lived with one summer in California. Their volatile relationship turned physical: “He’d get mad at me and shove me a little. Sometimes from the shove, I’d trip over something … and get hurt. … He’d squeeze my arm too hard, and I’d get a horrible bruise.” He’d criticize her looks, he slammed her onto the hood of a car, and then one night he drew a knife on her. “He grabbed a huge butcher knife from a drawer. And that’s when I was sure he was going to kill me.” Schumer threw a glass against the wall as a diversion and ran out of their apartment. She slept at a friend’s house (with him sleeping by the door with a bat) and flew back to New York the next day.
One that she later returned to:
“The next awful chapter of this story — and something that it pains me to tell you — is that we got back together one more time after that. … I’m telling this story because I’m a strong-ass woman not someone most people picture when they think ‘abused woman.’ But it can happen to anyone.”
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