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Soon after the pair began dating in 2003, Moore became pregnant with a girl that she planned to name Chaplin Ray. She lost the child six months into her pregnancy, which led her to start drinking again as a coping mechanism while she blamed herself for the loss, the Times reports.
Moore and Kutcher later got married in 2005 and she underwent fertility treatments in hopes of becoming pregnant again, the Times reports, adding that throughout the marriage, Moore’s drinking worsened and she began to abuse Vicodin.
Of her relationship with Kutcher, which immediately drew attention for their 15-year age gap, Moore says that the experience felt like, “a do-over, like I could just go back in time and experience what it was like to be young, with him — much more so than I’d ever been able to experience it when I was actually in my twenties.”
The actress also spoke to the publication about her upcoming memoir Inside Out, which will be released Sept. 24. The personal narrative details her marriages to Bruce Willis and Kutcher and offers an inside look into her childhood, her ascent to fame and her recent struggles with substance abuse. In the book, Moore also writes about being raped at 15.
While she originally signed on to write the memoir in 2010, the focus of the book shifted from being about the mothers and daughters in her family when she had a seizure after smoking synthetic cannabis and inhaling nitrous oxide. Her daughters shunned her following her behavior, the Times reports, which helped her realize that her “life was clearly unraveling,” she says.
At the time, Moore says she had “no career” and “no relationship.” Her health then began to deteriorate as she began to experience autoimmune and digestive problems. While she doesn’t share her exact diagnosis, Moore says, “Something was going on, including my organs slowly shutting down” and added that “the root was a major, heavy viral load.”
She later began a rehab program to deal with her trauma, codependency and substance abuse and worked with a doctor who specialized in integrative medicine to help with her health problems, the Times reports.
Moore eventually reconciled with her daughters and began to seriously write the memoir two years ago, in partnership with writer Ariel Levy.
The actress credits the book for helping her “healing journey” on emotional, physical and mental levels.
“It’s exciting, and yet I feel very vulnerable,” she says about the upcoming release of the memoir. “There is no cover of a character. It’s not somebody else’s interpretation of me.”
She adds that writing the memoir was a necessary part of her process to rediscover herself through the accomplishments and setbacks of her life. “I had to figure out why to do this, because my own success didn’t drive me,” she says.
Moore also speaks to the Times about the gender pay gap in Hollywood. At the height of her career, she was often criticized for being greedy when she started making millions of dollars for her films. She says that she was “honored” to be a trailblazer for equal pay when she starting earning as much money as her male co-stars. “And with that came a lot of negativity and a lot of judgment towards me, which I’m happy to have held if it made a difference,” she adds.
The actress also reflects on the difficult time she faced when she stopped being offered roles. Following her divorce from Willis, Moore took a break from acting to focus on raising her daughters. While she still produced films and appeared in a few acting projects, she says that she had a hard time finding onscreen work as she grew older. “They’d say they don’t really know what to do with you, where to place you,” she says. “I was like, ‘Oh, well is that supposed to flatter me?'”
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