It’s a lot harder than I ever imagined. If anybody asks if you want a network, think about that.”
— Oprah Winfrey
On the challenges of starting OWN, her own cable network.
“We only reconciled on the show. … Not in life. In fact, we’re further apart now than we were when we started the show. So thanks, Oprah, for all your help.”
— Ryan O’Neal
On how Ryan & Tatum: The O’Neals, the reality show he did with daughter Tatum for OWN, actually worsened their relationship.
“I’m done with the ‘winning’ because I’ve already won. This roast may be over, but I’m Charlie Sheen, and in here burns an eternal fire. I just have to remember to keep it away from a crack pipe.”
— Charlie Sheen
Closing out the Comedy Central roast in his honor.
Related Stories
“It has something to do with the dick. I went to all these gay bars, but you know, the dick didn’t want to go there.”
— Lars von Trier
Describing a youthful flirtation with homosexuality while discussing his next project, Nymphomaniac.
“I want to be an archaeologist. … I have been researching [taking] Egyptology classes, by the way.”
— Megan Fox
On her dream career if acting doesn’t pan out.
“And then the guy from The Notebook shows up and makes it weirder. … Nobody won.”
— Ryan Gosling
Explaining how he broke up a fight between a painter and an admiring thief on a New York street.
“If it turns out that I’m the guy who f–s up The Walking Dead? I’m dead in Hollywood.”
— Glen Mazzara
On the pressure he feels as the AMC hit’s new showrunner, replacing Frank Darabont.
“We have a serious problem when the Learning Channel features a toddler, who probably hasn’t even learned to read, dressed as a prostitute showing off her sexy strut.”
— Melissa Henson
Spokeswoman for the Parents Television Council, expressing outrage over a costume on Toddlers & Tiaras that mimicked Julia Roberts’ garb in Pretty Woman.
“Every so often, I wonder if Natalie Portman is getting more money than the none I’m getting. If she’s holding a check in one hand … and her Oscar in the other, that would piss me off.”
— Carrie Fisher
Regretting not asking for a cut of Star Wars merchandise when she signed to play Princess Leia.
“A live 3 hour podcast during The Golden Globes. Me … Louis CK, Chris Rock … Jon Stewart, Larry David. People at home can have the telly on with the sound down listening to us online say things that no broadcaster could get away with.”
— Ricky Gervais
Blogging about his alternative plans after turning down an offer to host the ceremony a third time.
