'Bachelor in Paradise' Recap: So Much Shame

Did someone say "threesome"?
"Bachelor in Paradise"

People were losing their hearts and losing their lunches in tonight's special Tuesday episode of Bachelor in Paradise. Oh, and there may or may not have been a threesome. No big deal.

The episode included not one but two rose ceremonies, picking up where last night's episode left off. Graham needed medical attention as he recovered from his health scare, and it was quite odd that AshLee calmly waited for Graham to recover, much in the same way that she might wait for the producers to fix, say, a boom mic.

Apparently, Graham accepting Ash's rose didn't sit well with Lacy, who politely excused herself to go vomit in the woods. Then again, is it a good vacation if no one has yet to vomit in the woods? We think not. Marcus, proving that he is seriously the most adorable thing ever, cuddles up with her in the ambulance, although it's not a good sign that there seem to be more ambulance rides than limo rides on the show.

The rose ceremony ends with Kalon and Marquel getting sent home, as Jackie chooses Jesse instead. Christy arrives and wants to pursue a previous attraction that she had felt toward Zack, although Zack rebuffs her in the apparent interest of not upsetting Clare. Let's see how well that works out for him later on.

Christy instead invites Jesse on her date, and despite her initial concern that he would be a "douchebag" like her cheating exes — note to Christy: Always trust your instincts — the two end up having fun, owing in large part to the tequila shots that they throw back. And Jesse seems a bit too quick to come up with excuses for why a guy might have a bra in his bed.

Robert and Sarah go on a "little slice of Sarah-dise," as he (cringe alert) puts it. It seems to take them about three years to finally kiss, and it's not a good sign that they start their date by bumping heads, Three Stooges-style. But they finally kiss, and afterward, Sarah seems ready to fly into the air like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer did when he got called "cute" in the classic TV movie.

Zack tells Clare that he's not sure if they're a great fit, and Clare doesn't take the news well, to say the least. She ends up talking to a raccoon again as she breaks down in the woods, and then she decides to take herself out of the game. In other words, we're guessing that what she endured with Juan Pablo Galavis last season doesn't seem so bad by comparison.

Meanwhile, several of the couples are having better luck than Zack and Clare. Marcus tells Lacy he loves her, although she surprisingly does not reciprocate. And if you thought Cody came on strong to Andi Dorfman on last season's The Bachelorette, then brace yourself, as he and Michelle take engagement photos, and Cody could not seem more smitten. Cody, bless his heart, does not believe in playing hard to get.

Lucy, aka the frequently topless "free spirit" from last season's Bachelor, arrives and chooses Jesse for her date, even though she's besties with Christy. Lucy and Jesse end up kissing, although Jesse doesn't appear to know Lucy's name. Christy feels humiliated and is ready to leave until Jesse magically calms her down. The two hook up, and they all end up in bed with Lucy by the end of the night. Does anyone else suddenly need a shower, or is it just us?

Here's how the roses were divvied up: Robert's went to Sarah, Graham's went to AshLee and a giddy-in-love Cody gave his to Michelle. Before giving her his rose, Marcus delivered a lengthy speech to Lacy that was either emotional (per Cody's tears) or yawn-inducing (right, Zack?). Newly single Zack opted for Jackie, and Jesse went with Christy, which meant Lucy was sent packing. At least her suitcase was probably light, given that she doesn't appear to own a lot of clothes.

What is your take on the Jesse-Lucy-Christy love triangle? Do you think Clare was right to leave? Did you get as nauseous as Lacy did while watching the episode? Let us know in the comments!

Email: Ryan.Gajewski@pgmedia.org
Twitter: @_RyanGajewski