'Glee' Recap: A Funny Thing Happened This Christmas

"Holy crap, I'm dating Kim Kardashian," and other top lines from Season 3, Episode 9.

It’s Christmas Time at McKinley High as New Directions stages a Christmas show within a show on Fox’s holiday-themed episode of Glee.

Titled “Extraordinary Merry Christmas,” the hour was written by Marti Noxon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and featured a plethora of hilarious one-liners. To get into the holiday spirit, here are The Hollywood Reporter’s favorite zingers from the episode, which was directed by Matthew Morrison.

[Warning: Spoilers ahead if you haven’t watched Tuesday’s episode.]

1. “Holy crap, I’m dating Kim Kardashian.” – Finn, after Rachel gives him a list of 15 things on her holiday wish list. Rest easy, pal, you only need to pick out five.

2. “All I want for Christmas is you, too – and five things on that list.” – Rachel’s response to an overwhelmed Finn.

3. “Christmas isn’t just a time when Jewish people get slightly uncomfortable and dwarves get jobs as Santa’s helpers and demeaning nonunion commercials that make them quietly die inside. No, Christmas is also a time to give back.” Sue Sylvester to Artie (“Wheels”/”Stumbles”), Kurt (“Porcelain”/”Gelfing”) and Blaine (“Other Gay”/”Young Burt Reynolds”) as she attempts to woo them to volunteer at a homeless shelter with her.

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4. “I made plans to shoot reindeer from a helicopter with Sarah Palin but she canceled.” Sue on her previous holiday engagement.

5. “Brittany and her family are going on a trip to see a gay Santa, something about Santa Fe.” – Rory explaining his lack of holiday plans to Sam, who ultimately him to spend the holiday with his family. “I’ll be your Christmas sponsor,” Sam says.

6. “You’re like a modern-day Tiny Tim,” an excited PBS affiliate station manager to Artie, who will direct his Christmas pageant.

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7. “It’s not Christmas without Chewbacca.” – The Star Wars wookie, in a dream, offering inspiration to Artie for the PBS holiday special.

8. “Joni Mitchell isn’t depressing, she’s emotional!” – Rachel as she explains her song choice of “River,” to Artie, who as Finn says, “went all Scrooge” on her during her audition for his holiday special.

9. “I’m rebooting Frosty. In my version he … well, new pages forthcoming.” – Artie on his alternate ending to his Christmas special.

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10. “The homeless will be homeless for awhile, that’s sort of the problem.” – Santana as she backs Artie in rescheduling their volunteer time at the homeless shelter with Sue.

11. “Tonight’s special is brought to you by Breadstix, now with even more bread sticks!” The opening sponsorship message to Artie’s Star Wars-infused PBS special.

12. “It’s Itchy the Holiday Elf!” – Everyone, as a poor Rory is forced to dress up as an elf in the holiday special. Anyone else half expecting to see The Simpsons character sneak in?

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13. “We lost the final 10 minutes of air time when the station reached a last-second agreement with those Yule log people.” – Artie, explaining that New Directions were to perform Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” as the final song before the special was cut short.

14. “I was wondering if you’d like to be my Valentine’s Day sponsor as well, you did such a good job being a Christmas Sponsor, I figured you’d have no problem getting me a snog or two by February.” – Rory to Sam as they volunteer raising money for charity.

What did you think of the Christmas episode? Will you be downloading “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” and supporting the Band Aid Trust? Glee returns from its holiday hiatus on Jan. 17.

Email: Lesley.Goldberg@thr.com; Twitter: @Snoodit