Jimmy Kimmel Says Trump Spoke With "Elegance" of a Third Grader During State of the Union

"Whether you agree with what he's done or not, it's hard to argue with the fact that Donald Trump has done more in his first two years than any president who only works two hours a day ever," said Kimmel.
Randy Holmes/ABC

Jimmy Kimmel kicked off Tuesday's episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live by cracking jokes about Donald Trump's State of the Union address.

"I wasn't so sure about this guy, but all of a sudden I am sold," he joked about the president. "Trump said we must step boldly and bravely into the next chapter of this great American adventure and that chapter is 11."

The host then commented on the length of the speech. "His speech was so long, Robert Mueller handed him another five indictments," Kimmel joked. "He spoke for longer than he was married to Marla Maples."

Kimmel then paraphrased some of Trump's points from the speech, including, as he put it, that "Mexicans are scary and we need to build a wall to keep them away."

A clip of Trump walking onstage with two women at a previous event played as Kimmel joked that the clip, which concluded with an ad for KFC's Cheeto Chicken sandwich, was from the State of the Union address.

"The speech went on for 83 minutes and Trump spoke with all the elegance of a book report written by a third grader on the bus," Kimmel said before clips from the speech played.

During the speech, Trump said that sex traffickers use the United States' ports of entry to smuggle women into the country and sell them into prostitution and modern-day slavery. The topic was met with a round of applause from those in attendance.

"What kind of a weird crowd is this?" Kimmel asked.

"The theme of tonight's address was 'Choosing Greatness.' Originally he was planning to go with, 'Nancy and Chuck, I Think You Suck,' but Melania said, 'Maybe that's not a great way to go,'" Kimmel continued.

He joked that Trump has achieved a lot over his first two years as president. "Whether you agree with what he's done or not, it's hard to argue with the fact that Donald Trump has done more in his first two years than any president who only works two hours a day ever," he said.

Trump also shared a 10-year plan to reduce the transmission of HIV. "He hates AIDS," said Kimmel. "That's why he fires one every two weeks."

The president also took credit for creating more jobs for women during the speech. "All the new women in congress who beat the candidates he supported, they were all wearing white, they stood up and cheered," Kimmel said. "I haven't seen an audience full of women that happy since Oprah gave a bunch of Pontiacs away."

The host also shared that Stacey Abrams delivered the response to the address for the Democrats. The California Attorney General was supposed to give a response in Spanish, though he had to cancel. Kimmel shared that they found a replacement, which was the show's sidekick Guillermo Rodriguez.

"Good evening, Mr. President Trump. I hope a chicken pecks at your wiener," said Rodriguez in Spanish. "Goodnight and thank you."

Presidential candidate Julian Castro later joined Kimmel to discuss Trump's address.

"Speeches for Trump are all the same. He says pretty words tonight and then tomorrow morning at 5 a.m. he's gonna tweet out a storm about somebody being an idiot or whatever he's gonna tweet out," said Castro. "The problem with this president is that we can't trust his words anymore because his actions just don't match those. He said a lot of stuff today, but we'll see how it goes."

Kimmel said that while Trump made some appealing arguments during the speech, other parts sounded like "somebody reading a synopsis of Game of Thrones.

"He's focused on unity. If he wants to unify people, the first thing he should do is unite those parents who have been separated from their children," Castro said.

Kimmel later asked if attending the State of the Union was "uncomfortable" because the crowd was so divided.

"It's not uncomfortable if you have a superstar president like Obama that's delivering the speech," Castro answered. "We knew walking into the room that he was well prepared, that he was gonna deliver an inspirational speech."

Castro added that he has been to a few State of the Union addresses in which those in attendance were rude to the president of the time, including U.S. Representative for South Carolina Joe Wilson, who interrupted Obama to yell "you lie" during a speech in 2009.

"I do agree that this is a night, as Americans, more people tune in than any other night and then we all hope that the country can be more united and that we can find a sense of common purpose, a sense of common identity," Castro said. "I think that's what's been missing and I think, for me, that purpose starts with the idea that everybody counts in this country."