Late-Night Hosts Have Field Day With Jeff Sessions' Departure

Andrew Lipovsky/NBC

Late-night hosts had a field day with the news that Attorney General Jeff Sessions was pushed out of his job on Wednesday, after announcing in a one-page letter to President Trump that he was submitting his resignation "at your request."

The Daily Show's Trevor Noah joked that the news was hardly a surprise, so much so that Sessions probably already had a backup job lined up. "It's OK, I'm already assistant manager at Baby GAP," Noah said, impersonating Sessions' Southern accent. "But I want you to know I recuse myself from folding those onesies."

Noah also commented on Trump's "brazen" timing, with the resignation news coming one day after the midterm elections. "He doesn't wait, he just, like, pulls the trigger on this thing. I feel like he could have at least made it seem like he needed to think about it first," he said.

The Late Show's Stephen Colbert also tackled the news on Wednesday night, by recalling for the audience a moment at the day's White House press conference in which Trump was asked — before the news about Sessions had been announced — if the Attorney General would have long-term job security. Trump replied, "I would rather answer that at a little bit different time."

Mocking Trump, Colbert said, "A little bit later, because right now I'm having a hard time hearing these questions over the loud beating heart of Jeff Sessions under these floorboards. I had a hard time stuffing that little guy down there."

Colbert also had fun with the letter of resignation itself. "Look at that, Southern hospitality to the end," he joked. "At your gracious request, I am going to sit on it and spin," he said again in Sessions' accent. 

Jimmy Kimmel also joked about the resignation letter on his show. "In a letter to the president, Sessions wrote, 'At your request, I am submitting my resignation,' which is a formal way of saying, 'F-U for firing me,'" Kimmel joked.

In the letter, Sessions also said he operated with integrity and strove to uphold the rule of law, to which Kimmel joked, "Trump was like, 'Yeah — why do you think I fired you? I didn't want that."

Sessions' chief of staff Matthew G. Whitaker, who is taking over as acting attorney general, is notably critical of Robert Mueller's investigation into Russia's election interference. To that end, Kimmel had some advice for Mueller: "OK, Bob Mueller — time to snort some Adderall and get that report done ASAP! You understand? We’ve waited long enough."

Over on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Fallon said Sessions' departure makes sense. "Santa needs him to make toys now at the North Pole. He says he wants to spend more time with his brothers Crackle and Pop."

Fallon also cracked that although the resignation letter began with "at your request," it ended with, "these have been the worst years of my life."