Late-Night Hosts Mock Joe Biden and Donald Trump's Fight Threats

Late-night hosts devoted part of their Thursday night shows to addressing former Vice President Joe Biden and President Donald Trump each threatening to beat the other one up.

Biden made headlines on Tuesday (March 20) when he discussed Trump and his inappropriate comments about women during a rally in Miami. "If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him,” he said.

Trump responded on Twitter. “Crazy Joe Biden is trying to act like a tough guy. Actually, he is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet he threatens me, for the second time, with physical assault,” read the tweet. “He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way. Don’t threaten people Joe!"

Late Night host Seth Meyers discussed the feud as part of his “Closer Look” segment. "If you thought politics couldn't get any dumber, you were once again proven wrong when the 71-year-old president of the United States and the 75-year-old former vice president of the United States threatened to beat each other up,” he began. "This is just what America needs. The Thrilla in Vanilla. The last time I saw two old dudes going at it like that, my local Walmart was down to its last bottle of prune juice."

"This whole ordeal is embarrassing, not just because it degrades our political discourse but also because it would never happen,” said Meyers. “Can you imagine these two actually fighting? It would end as soon as one of them accidentally stepped on his own super-long testicles."

The host also expressed his disappointment in Biden’s comments. "You don't have to say you want to fight Donald Trump because we all know you want to fight Donald Trump,” he said. “But when it comes time for someone to fight Donald Trump, I'm sorry, we're just not going to pick you. We're gonna pick Ronda Rousey." 

Jimmy Fallon also shared his feelings about the threats on The Tonight Show. After listing Trump’s friends as Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un and his enemies as Biden and every playboy bunny, the host told his audience about the feud. “Women everywhere said, ‘Thank God we didn’t elect an emotional woman to lead our country,’” he said.

“Even though they’re both in their 70s, Biden and Trump are talking about fighting,” he said. “Experts say the fight would go nine rounds with ten bathroom breaks.”

Fallon reflected on how crazy the situation is. “It got even weirder when Bernie Sanders ripped off his shirt and yelled, ‘Tag me in! Let’s do this thing. Come at me, bro!'”

After reading Trump’s tweet, Fallon joked that Biden responded, “White House bike racks, 3 o’clock. Be there!” The host imagined Trump would respond, “Uh, I can’t! I told my dad I’d wash the car at 3!”

Jimmy Kimmel also discussed the threats on his show on Thursday. “This is what it’s come to, though. Two old men arguing about who could beat the other one up,” Kimmel said after catching his audience up on the story.

The host then asked his audience if they thought a high school-aged Biden would be able to beat up Trump. “I don’t know, but based on the fact that he showed up to class every day dressed like a Christmas nutcracker, probably,” he said as he showed a picture of a young Biden.

“Fortunately for the good of all of us, and our entertainment, Trump and Biden have decided to put the talk aside and settle this man to man,” Kimmel joked. The host then shared a fake ad for “The Fight America Needs” which was dubbed as POTUS vs. JOETUS. The short clip featured both Biden and Trump depicted as boxers ready to go head-to-head. Kimmel suggested that the two men really televise a fight. In addition to the proceeds going to charity, “whoever wins gets to be president,” he offered.

Kimmel then brought on a hand puppet to represent press secretary Sarah Sanders, dubbed "Sarah Knucklebee Sanders" to weigh in on the feud. When asked if Trump’s behavior is becoming of a president, Kimmel’s knuckle responded, “In a word 'yes,' it is becoming. And do you know what else will be coming? A one-sided Joe Biden beatdown at the hands of Donald J. La Hoya Trump.”

When asked if there is a more productive way for the two men to settle their differences, Knucklebee Sanders responded, “You sit right down, or I’ll beat your sorry ass.”