8:00pm PT by Trilby Beresford
Late-Night Hosts React to Michael Cohen's Prison Sentence
In response to Wednesday's news that President Donald Trump's former lawyer Michael Cohen was sentenced to three years behind bars, late-night television hosts took aim at the attorney.
On The Late Show, host Stephen Colbert offered Cohen a suggestion for what lies ahead. "Now a little tip for Mr. Cohen. First day in prison, you walk right up to the biggest guy in the yard, you pay him $130,000. Boom. Boom!"
He was referencing the payment that Cohen arranged for Trump to give adult-film actress Stormy Daniels in exchange for her confidentiality about an alleged sexual encounter.
Colbert continued the segment, "Before Cohen climbed up onto the prison bus he made sure to throw Trump under it."
He followed with one of Cohen's statements that said, "Recently, the president tweeted a statement calling me weak, and he was correct, but for a much different reason than he was implying. It was because time and time again I felt it was my duty to cover up his dirty deeds ..."
"And evidently, you suck at it," Colbert added with satisfaction.
On Late Night with Seth Meyers, the host referenced the fact that Cohen took full responsibility for his actions, both the personal acts he pled guilty to and the acts that involved orders from the president.
"Forget running from re-election in two years, Trump might be running from the Feds," Meyers said. "The FBI's going to bust into a cabin in Montana and find Trump with a unabomber beard surrounded by Burger King wrappers."
On ABC, Jimmy Kimmel Live! host Jimmy Kimmel summarized the events that led to Cohen's prison sentence for maximum comic effect, as well as to point out Trump's role in the proceedings. "Just to recap, Donald Trump cheats on his wife while she’s at home with their infant son. Donald Trump has a long-term affair with a Playboy Playmate. Donald Trump illegally pays the both of them off, and Michael Cohen goes to jail for it," Kimmel said. "That’s like if Johnnie Cochran did time and not OJ."
Kimmel, a two-time Oscars host, then took a jab at the ABC ceremony in his follow-up joke. "Cohen doesn't have to report to prison until March 6. So he is still available to host the Oscars if they’re looking," he joked.
Over on The Daily Show, host Trevor Noah used the Michael Cohen arrest as a news peg to discuss the other Michael — Michael Flynn — Trump's former national security advisor, and why Flynn reportedly thinks he shouldn't go to prison.
Noah played the voiceover of a CNN report, which said, "Last night, the lawyers for Michael Flynn asked a federal judge to spare him prison time for lying to the FBI back in January of 2017. Flynn's defense team also suggested that the FBI may have duped him into lying when two agents failed to remind Flynn that misleading or lying to investigators is, in fact, a crime."
Noah jumped in with a response, "Yeah, that's right, Michael Flynn says he didn't know that lying to the FBI was a crime. And you know what, I think, going forward, everyone working for Donald Trump should just be read their Miranda rights on their first day."
Continuing, he said, "They should be like, 'OK, here's your desk, coffee in the kitchen, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law, and Fridays are jeans days, have a good time.'"
Over on NBC, Jimmy Fallon addressed Cohen at the top of his show. "If you’re watching from home, you’re in for a great show," the Tonight Show host said. "If you’re watching from jail, you probably used to work for the president."
Fallon went on to quip, "Cohen said it could have been worse, I could have been sentenced to be White House chief of staff."