Late-Night Hosts Weigh in on Michael Cohen's Secret Trump Tape

After CNN aired a secret tape recording between then-presidential candidate Donald Trump and his personal attorney Michael Cohen regarding buying the rights to a Playboy model's story about an alleged affair, late-night hosts dissected the audio during their Wednesday night shows. 

Over at Comedy Central’s The Daily Show, host Trevor Noah noted that it’s “weird that we know so much about where the president has put his dick.” The late-night host further reiterated that this situation is “not normal.” “In all of American history it’s only been Trump, Clinton and Lincoln, and yes I said Lincoln, because you know, at some point, Abraham put it in that big sexy hat.” 

Noah then took a moment to mock Trump's current lawyer Rudy Giuliani, who stated that “no payment ever occurred.” “I love that the secret Playboy affair hush money tape is the evidence to help Trump. I mean it can, but it will probably make an awkward dinner with Melania," Noah joked. 

Meanwhile, over at CBS’ The Late Show, host Stephen Colbert celebrated the release of the audio recording, which he exuberantly broke down in a segment dubbed “Stormy Watch: The Karen McDougal Edition.” 

After pointing out that McDougal sold the rights to her story for $150,000, which is $20,000 more than Daniels did, Colbert joked, “Karen must have spanked him with two magazines.” 

Colbert pointed out that the video provided evidence that Trump was aware of the payments during the presidential campaign. “Donald Trump lied. So now they have to reset the sign on the White House lawn,” the late-night host said, then proceeding to show a mock picture of a sign hung on the lawn’s surrounding gate that reads: “It’s been 0 Minutes since our last lie.” 

On NBC’ Late Night, Seth Meyers took a “Closer Look” at the release of the recordings, slamming Cohen for failing at having smart techniques. 

"You can’t be a lawyer in charge of shady business dealings and also record everything. He’s like a hitman that decides to wear fingerless gloves," the late-night host said. 

After the release of the recordings, Trump tweeted, asking "What kind of a lawyer would tape a client?" Later, he added, "Why was the tape so abruptly terminated (cut) while I was presumably saying positive things? I hear there are other clients and many reporters that are taped - can this be so? Too bad," a response Meyers found comical.

“And what kind of lawyer would tape a client? The kind of lawyer you would hire," Meyers joked. 

After Giuliani encouraged everyone to play the tape “three times” to clearly understand what’s being said, Meyers mocked the lawyer saying, “This is a criminal investigation and they’re treating it like it’s Laurel versus Yanny.” 

CNN's Cuomo Prime Time show aired the controversial tape on Tuesday evening, which was reportedly made in September 2016. On the recording, Trump and Cohen are heard discussing purchasing the rights to McDougal's story of an alleged affair with the would-be president dating back to 2006. Though McDougal sold the rights to her story to American Media, the company never ran the story but rather reportedly engaged in a practice known as "catch and kill" — which is burying unfavorable stories to help then-candidate Trump. 

On the tape, Cohen tells Trump of his plans to establish a company in order to buy the rights from American Media. "I need to open up a company for the transfer of all of that info regarding our friend David," Cohen said in the recording. The "David" referenced in the call, according to CNN, is American Media chief and close Trump ally David Pecker.

Elsewhere on the tape, Trump and Cohen are heard talking about the ongoing presidential campaign and poll numbers. They also discuss the prospective unsealing of documents from Trump's divorce from his first wife, Ivana. 

On The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon noted that at one point in the tape, Trump seemed to have a little trouble focusing. The late-night joked, "Focus, man! You know Melania was in the next room saying, 'Just a second, man! Sure, I'll give you a Coke,'" as he shook an imaginary Coke can.

He also offered audio clips of two other Trump tapes that were "new." Listen below.

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Later on The Late Late Show, James Corden also had fun with the news, by teasing that the show had gotten more of the tapes. Listen to one of the parodies below.   

In his opening monologue, Jimmy Kimmel also addressed the tape, saying that if this news had happened to any other American president, "there would be an address to the nation tonight" but because it's President Trump "there’s no statement; for him, it’s just Wednesday."

"And what makes the tape such a big deal is that it proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Trump knew about the payments to Karen McDougal — which means that when he said he had no knowledge of this transaction, he lied," Kimmel explained.

He went on to joke: "And you know what that means: If he lied, it means we have to lock Hillary [Clinton] up! I mean it’s time. Anyway, this is why he doesn’t want Melania watching CNN."