'New Girl' Made a Schmidt Book Called 'The Douche Journals' (Exclusive Excerpt)

The biggest contributor to the "Douchebag Jar" shares some of his deepest thoughts in a new title from the Fox show.

If you've been craving a backlog of Schmidtisms from before New Girl ever premiered, this may be your chance.

256-pages worth of Schmidt (Max Greenfield) musings appear in The Douche Journals: The Definitive Account of One Man’s Genius, out Tuesday from It Books and Twentieth Century Fox.

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"Compiled and annotated by Schmidt himself," the coffee table fare for super fans of the Fox comedy includes culinary preferences ("It’s squash blossoms or it’s nothing"), a lot about sex ("If lovemaking is an international chain of stores, I am the flagship") and even a few thoughts that might imitate life ("I get all my best investment ideas during spin class").

There's even a fictional forward from Nick Miller (Jake Johnson).

It Books gave The Hollywood Reporter an advanced look at The Douche Journals, two pages of which you can read below. New Girl returns to Fox on Sept. 25, with two new episodes at 8 and 9 p.m., before settling in at just 9 p.m. the following Tuesday.