Samantha Bee on Trump's "Figurative Spanking" Via The New Yorker's Fox News-White House Story

“Trump is so insecure and desperate for the approval of his TV pals, he lets them sweet-talk him into boneheaded decisions, like the government shutdown and his border wall emergency," the 'Full Frontal' host said.
Courtesy of Samantha Bee/TBS
'Full Frontal With Samantha Bee'

Samantha Bee shared her take on The New Yorker's recent story about the close relationship between Fox News and the Donald Trump White House on Wednesday's episode of Full Frontal.

One of the things revealed in the report was that the network helped bury Trump's affair with Stormy Daniels.

"This week the Stormy Daniels story came back to haunt Donald Trump, but unlike the spanking he got from Trump Magazine when he first met Stormy, this time he got a figurative spanking from a much more reputable magazine," Bee began.

The host explained that the unpublished bombshell story by Diana Falzone was pitched to Fox shortly before the 2016 presidential election. "It's like the reverse James Comey memo," said Bee.

"Would Falzone's story have changed the outcome of the election? We'll never know, but I like to think there's an alternate Sliding Door-iverse where this article came out, Trump lost, Stormy is chief of staff and I have a new Gwyneth Paltrow haircut and a billion-dollar lifestyle brand selling areola-plumping serum," joked Bee.

The host added that Falzone had a follow-up story that exposed how The National Enquirer buried the Daniels exposé as a favor to Trump, though Fox News never published it. "In other words, Fox News buried a woman's story about Trump burying a woman's story, then buried another story about that story," she said. "It's like watching Inception. I'm a little confused, extremely frustrated, and men keep explaining why the story is 'totally cool if you just, like, really think about it.'"

Bee also touched on former Fox News executive Bill Shine becoming head of communications for the Trump White House. 

"Bill Shine was booted from Fox News for covering up Roger Ailes’ acts of sexual harassment, but he wasn’t unemployed for long before Trump snapped him up. Lucky for him, the White House has a strict, 'You must be at least this misogynist to work here' policy," she said.

Bee added that even before Shine started working at the White House, the current administration had "an unusually close relationship" with Fox News.

Writer Jane Mayer reported that Trump ranks the loyalty of the Fox News reporters on a scale of 1 to 10. Bee said that Bret Baier earned a '6,' while Sean Hannity got a '10.' "Fox & Friends host and modern-day Rosco P. Coltrane Steve Doocy is so adoring that Trump gives him a '12,'" she said. "It's the first '12' Doocy has scored since every single exam he took in college.

“Trump is so insecure and desperate for the approval of his TV pals, he lets them sweet-talk him into boneheaded decisions, like the government shutdown and his border wall emergency. He also turns to his favorite network when he needs to fill official jobs, repeatedly hiring or nominating the people he sees on Fox," she said. "Except for the time he was accidentally watching the wrong channel and appointed Dr. Pimple Popper as ambassador to Norway."

Bee added that Rupert Murdoch is reportedly close with Jared Kushner. "The only thing Jared Kushner is good at, other than moisturizing with live snails, is making powerful men feel paternal toward him," she said. "He has so many daddy issues, he should be on the cover of Maxim magazine."

“Fox News is such an extension of the Trump administration that the president is closer to Sean Hannity than to almost any of his staff,” the host continued. “The two speak nearly every night after Hannity’s show, like a booty call from the world’s grossest booty. Hannity is so influential, White House advisers secretly call him the 'shadow chief of staff,' not to be confused with Hannity’s actual shadow, a perfect rectangle with an aggressive side part.”

Bee concluded that Fox News' bias isn't a well-kept secret. "Under Trump, Fox has grown from a simple old-fashioned propaganda factory into a new kind of state television that’s arguably as powerful as the president it created. But at least Trump is term-limited," she said. "We’ll be living under Fox’s influence as long as there’s a supply of fresh teenage blood to keep Rupert Murdoch undead.”

Watch the full segment below.