9:00pm PT by Katie Kilkenny
Trump's Doctor Tells Audience "How Not Fat He Is" on 'SNL' Cold Open
On Saturday Night Live's Jan. 20 cold open, Beck Bennett, portraying President Donald Trump's doctor, gave an "unbiased, 100 percent accurate health assessment" that flattered Trump's looks, his ability to do the "Tide pod challenge" and his sex drive.
In a spoof of Trump's physical exam on Tuesday, in which White House doctor Ronny Jackson gave a press conference where he stated that he "found no reason whatsoever to think the president has any issues whatsoever with his thought processes" and that Trump had won a perfect score on his cognitive test, Bennett, as Jackson, flattered the president's physical condition, from his age to his weight.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders, played by SNL castmember Aidy Bryant, kicked off the sketch by introducing the doctor, saying that he was addressing the press in order to convince them "how not fat [Trump] is."
"At the time of examination, the president was 71 years and seven months young, his resting heart rate was a cool 68 bpm, his weight a very svelte 248 pounds, he has a gorgeous 44-inch coke-bottle waist, and his height, 75 inches with legs that seem to go on forever," the doctor said when he arrived at the podium. "It's my expert medical opinion that the president has a rockin' bod with an excellent cushion for the pushin'. And if given the chance, I would."
Answering some skeptical reporters, Bennett as Jackson maintained that Trump was in "peak physical condition" but that he does take medical supplements including pineapple juice "to keep things sweet."
Regarding the president's mental fitness, a hot topic in recent months, the doctor said that Trump had passed a cognitive test "with flying colors, almost no hints" that his brain was broken. Jackson explained that, in fairness, doctors usually used the test to make sure that people were not severely cognitively damaged or "a monkey in people clothes."
When castmember Pete Davidson announced himself as a member of Saturday Night Live and asked a question about adult film actress Stormy Daniels, Huckabee Sanders stepped in to interrupt the briefing. Last week, The Wall Street Journal reported that Trump's personal lawyer had arranged a $130,000 settlement with Daniels, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, just before the November 2016 election. According to the Journal, Daniels had privately alleged that she had a brief affair with Trump in 2006, after he had had his first child with wife Melania, and that a nondisclosure agreement was a component of the settlement.
In the skit, Dr. Jackson was all too happy to comment on Daniels. "Actually, I can't confirm whether the president and Ms. Daniels had relations or not, but I can tell you that if she did, she's a lucky woman," he said. He added that Trump also completed a "sex exam" and that "when he was done, there wasn't a dry eye in the room."
Huckabee Sanders finished off the briefing by saying that Trump passed every exam given to him: "physical, mental, the Tide pod challenge" (referring to the dangerous viral video trend) — "he crushed it."