'SNL' Recap: Joe Biden Threatens Paul Ryan; Abused Apple Workers Mock Tech Nerds (Video)

SNL Cold Open Oct 13 - H 2012

Joe Biden struck with a vengeance on Saturday Night Live, during an episode that marked Christina Applegate’s first hosting appearance since 1993.

The cold open rehashes Thursday’s vice presidential debate between Biden (Jason Sudeikis) and Rep. Paul Ryan (Taran Killam). Biden laughs and smirks his way through the contest, while Ryan is creepily sincere and makes lots of eye contact with the camera.

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Ryan—known to exaggerate his athletic achievements—claims to have won the 100 meter dash at the London Olympics. The real Usain Bolt shows up to disabuse him of this notion.

The high point comes when Biden threatens to confront Ryan physically, saying just because the famously fit congressman is younger and does PX 190 doesn’t mean Biden can’t take him on.

“There is gym strong and there’s old man strong,” Biden yells. “Do you want to know my workout? When the Amtrak breaks down on my morning commute, I strip down my tighty whiteys and push that bitch all the way to Washington.”

Moderator Martha Raddatz is portrayed as the antithesis to presidential debate moderator Jim Lehrer, panned as doddering and ineffectual last episode.

“Do I sound like Jim lehrer? Do I look like Jim Lehrer?” she  asks when the men get out of line. They say no. “Then don’t try to f--k me like I’m Jim Lehrer.”

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Like half of the hosts this season, Applegate chose a song for her opening monologue.

The song is an ode to the few peaceful weeks before Thanksgiving and Halloween. It’s biggest contribution to the episode is a group of off brand muppets, which includes Swedish Dane Cook (Sudeikis in a chef’s hat telling Cook jokes).

SNL honored Taken 2 with a trailer for Give Us All Our Daughters Back, the ultimate kidnap-action movie. In the film, terrorists abduct children from the CIA’s daycare, angering a slew of stars, including Steven Seagal, Mel Gibson, Liam Neeson, Uma Thurman and Denzel Washington.

There are “over 45 minutes of threatening phone calls” the trailer brags, delivering a montage of the types of phone calls these films always have. But they aren't all heroic. Seagal is more interested in pizza, it seems, and at one point, Gibson claims "the Jews" took his daughter.

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Olympian Bolt made another brief appearance as one of The Californians, the long-running SNL soap opera revolving around talk of the California highway system. By this point, The Californians are pretty routine, but this one is worth watching to see a blond-haired Bolt speak in his best Californian accent.

A group of tech reviewers are invited onto a program to air their grievances about the iPhone 5. Things get awkward when—after the geeks complain about the phone's lack of Google Maps and slow aps—three people from the Chinese factory where the iPhone is made are brought onto the show.

They mock the nerds, saying it must have been difficult when Apple’s map ap took them to Macy’s rather than JC Penney.

“We’re lucky, because we don’t need a map, because we sleep where we work,” one says.

SNL is new next week, with Bruno Mars doing double duty as host and musical guest.