7:42pm PT by Trilby Beresford, Lexy Perez, Katherine Schaffstall
Late-Night Hosts React to Trump's Reaction to Impeachment Vote
Following the U.S. House of Representatives' vote to impeach President Trump on Wednesday, which saw him formally charged on two articles of impeachment, late-night hosts Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers and Samantha Bee weighed in on the decision.
In the vote that has divided the nation for many weeks and months, Trump was charged with obstructing Congress and abusing his power by enlisting a foreign government to investigate a political rival ahead of the 2020 election.
Noting that Trump does not seem to be handling impeachment very well, Colbert read one of the president’s tweets while impersonating his voice and stance. "Can you believe that I will be impeached today by the Radical Left, Do Nothing Democrats, AND I DID NOTHING WRONG! A terrible thing. Read the transcripts. This should never happen to another President again. Say a PRAYER!”
Colbert went on to say, speaking now as himself, "Nothing says confidence like, 'Say a prayer.' He then joked, "State trooper pulls you over and you’re completely innocent, so you scream at the other motorists, pray for me!"
Further into the show, Colbert said, "Trump will bounce back, according to a former aide," as The Late Show cut to a quote from The Washington Post that said, "Trump is the most resilient politician the country has ever seen."
Quipped Colbert, "Not to be all Teddy Roosevelt got shot, but Teddy Roosevelt got shot, and then finished the speech he was giving. Trump gets winded carrying an umbrella up a staircase." He added, "This unnamed aide thinks none of us will be that affected by any of this" — cutting to another quote from the Post — “We’ll just wake up Thursday after this absurd impeachment vote and say, 'Well, that was quite a season three finale. What’s going to happen in season four?'"
Concluded Colbert, "Yes, exactly. The Trump presidency is just like a TV show we all have to live through. I call it The Worst Wing."
Over at The Daily Show, host Noah was quick to poke fun at the president's response to the impeachment process, in which he took to Twitter to call the situation "a terrible thing.""Is it just me or does it seem like Trump went through all the stages of grief in one tweet?" Noah asked.
Noah then compared Trump to a child fearful that they'll get a spanking from their parents. "Remember when you were a kid who was going to get a spanking but then your parents told you it was going to happen later because they didn't have time and then the whole day it was just you in a state of panic? That's what Trump sounds like in that tweet just trying to get support from anyone."
In a segment called The Magical, Wonderful Road to Impeachment, Noah declared, "Impeachment: It's when America moves its presidents to the spam folder."
He joked that Trump is "miserable" after enduring today's events, but simply because the day centered on "two things he hates the most: history books and going down."
"There's no doubt impeachment will hurt Trump's legacy 'bigly,' " Noah continued to quip.
Later on, Noah addressed the anger expressed by Republican members of Congress who spent the day "competing on who could make impeachment sound worse," including making references to Pearl Harbor and Jesus.
"Did these guys just compare impeachment to Pearl Harbor and Jesus?" Noah asked, before adding, "Even if Trump was going to be put on the cross. He would never carry it himself. He'd probably put it on the back of a golf cart."
As for Congress members describing the day's occurrences as "sad," Noah called their bluff. "Aw, all day the Democrats were roaming the halls of Congress sad and depressed, just walking around like a living Adele album."
Over on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon covered Trump's impeachment in the "News Smash" segment.
After he said Trump's "not happy" about his impeachment, he added, "He wrote an angry letter, sent hundreds of tweets and shouted at his staff. He needs to chill out."
"He spent the day yelling at his staff and tweeting while he laid on the couch. If he's not careful, he could end up looking like Jabba the Hutt," said the host.
Fallon added that the impeachment was "a dark stain on his legacy." He continued, "On the bright side, Trump finally managed to win a popular vote."
"Trump's allies are worried about the stain the impeachment will leave on his legacy," he said. "Although when a guy wears that much spray tan, I don't think he cares about the stains he leaves behind."
Historians said that Trump's impeachment will be what Americans remember most about 2019, though Fallon joked that Baby Yoda was the highlight of the year.
The NBC host also touched on a tweet that Trump posted, in which he called himself an "economy plus" president. "Economy plus? You think Trump would at least refer to himself as business class," said Fallon.
On Late Night, Seth Meyers compared the impeachment "to having a raccoon in your garage and poking it with a broom. It's still there. It's just mad now."
The host then spoke about Trump's tweets targeted at Democrats. "Stop yelling. I feel like we elected a 2 a.m. mattress commercial as president," he said about the tweets written in all caps. "I can't wait until Trump is out of office and the only time we see all caps is when Joe Biden smiles."
During the "Closer Look" segment, Meyers listed many of Trump's controversies including being a "serial racist criminal," his sexual assault accusations, soliciting bribes and inflicting human rights abuses on migrant families.
Meyers added that some Republicans pretend to be surprised that there are people that take issue with Trump. "This is like one of those news stories where a guy gets arrested for being a serial killer for 40 years and reporters go to his neighbors and ask, 'Did you suspect anything?' And they say, 'Well, one time I saw him with a chainsaw wearing a hockey mask, but I just assumed he was a lumberjack who played in the NHL,'" he said.
The host later shared clips of Democrats and Republicans arguing their sides during the hearings, including Rep. Debbie Lesko accusing Democrats of tearing families apart. "It is rich to accuse Democrats of tearing families apart to defend a president who is literally tearing families apart," said Meyers. He added that the Republicans "sound like bratty teens yelling at their parents."
During the impeachment hearings, Republican Rep. Barry Loudermilk compared Trump to Jesus. "These people are out of their minds. Soon they're gonna start claiming they saw images of Trump appear in their food," said the host.
Trump has been vocal about his beliefs that he shouldn't be impeached and has said that impeachments happen only every 50 years. "It's not supposed to be many, many years apart. Impeachment's not Halley's Comet. It's a fire truck," responded Meyers. "It shows up when there's a fire. You're not allowed to say, 'We can only use that hydrant once every 50 years. Sorry about your house.'"
"The Republican contribution to the impeachment debate today was basically a competition to see who could be more sycophantic towards Trump," added Meyers. "We've already had comparisons to the Salem Witch Trials and Jesus. And then at one point today a GOP congressman literally asked for a moment of silence for the people who voted for Trump." Following the clip from the hearing, Meyers joked that the 66 million people that voted against Trump deserve to say, "What the fuck?"
Full Frontal host Samantha Bee joked that the employees at the McDonald's near the White House were "struggling to fill a very large order of comfort meat" for Trump.
Despite being impeached, Bee noted that the Senate likely won't vote Trump out of office. A clip followed of McConnell saying that "there won't be a single Republican who will vote for either of these articles of impeachment."
"The really galling thing about the GOP firewall around Trump is that he's still openly doing the same crimes they're protecting him for," said Bee before news coverage explained that Rudy Giuliani is still working with Ukraine.
"When the New Year starts, this whole process is going to get even uglier," said the host.
Bee added that some people may feel that impeaching Trump was pointless since he was likely remain in office, though she assured her viewers that the impeachment process was worthwhile. "In a world where old, rich white dudes seem to increasingly operate with impunity, today Trump faces the tiniest bit of punity," she said. "And that is magic."